I Had An…uh…Lobotomy, Redux

In a meeting: Providers only terminate their contracts for one of two reasons: Pay or Other.

At a bar with a friend: You know, I was diagnosed as a genius as a child and I think that is why I don’t get along with her; I don’t get along with other geniuses. That is why I think you and I are such good friends.

In response to an email: Ya know, I have tracking on this, and as usual, I am completely embarrassed.

[Bonus: found in coworker’s personal ad: Things that turn me on: Thunderstorms]

522 SW 5th
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Breanna Freeman

Posted on February 22, 2015
Coworkers, General Idiocy, Gripes, Insults, Oregon, Sexuality, Weather

Tonight on Ice Berger, P.I.

Coworker in lunchroom: I just wanted a cake that said “your hair smells like lettuce”, and I shouldn't have to explain why!

Washington, DC

Posted on February 22, 2015
Coworkers, DC and Mid-Atlantic, Meals and Snacks, Weirdness, Wishes

When Husbands and Wives Work Together

Cube dweller, about post-it: Do you want a fresh one or a used one? (pause) Heh, heh… Funny.
Office dweller: Um, well, can I have some tape?
Cube dweller: You're so needy.

Kentucky

Overheard by: Lucy

Posted on February 21, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Kentucky, Questions, Wishes

Just Buy One That Says “I Kill Thieves”

Disgruntled worker: It would be easier if people just walked around with shirts that said, ‘I steal shit.’

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Posted on February 21, 2015
Coworkers, Gripes, Washington

Don't Worry– She Just Means Her Bowels.

Young man on speakerphone: Let's set something up for next week then. When is good for you?
Lady who should have retired twenty years ago: You pick the day, I'm all loose.

Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on February 20, 2015
Canadia, Coworkers, On the phone, Questions, Sexuality, Time Management, Weirdness

Situational Ethics

Coworker #1: Can you believe the whole company needs to take an ethics exam? It’s online, but still…
Coworker #2: Yeah, it sucks. I heard that one department’s doing the whole thing on a conference call together.
Coworker #1: But there’s a test…
Coworker #2: Yeah, they’re all taking the test together. One person says the answer and everybody enters it on their screen after the first person confirms it’s right.

Midtown
New York, New York