Woman: …and by “different,” I don’t mean “gay.”
Co-worker: I need about 15 to 20 minutes of your time to understand physically what’s expected from your eyes.
Man: I’m the Imelda Marcos of ties.
10877 Watson Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Woman: …and by “different,” I don’t mean “gay.”
Co-worker: I need about 15 to 20 minutes of your time to understand physically what’s expected from your eyes.
Man: I’m the Imelda Marcos of ties.
10877 Watson Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Office lackey #1: I need some experience before I apply to pharmacy school.
Office lackey #2: Have you considered a crack den?
Office lackey #1, thoughtfully: I wonder what UIC would think of that. “I interned at a meth lab last summer…”
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Lackey
Cube dweller: I don’t see why people need fertility counseling. They should just buy some cheap liquor and rent a Camaro. It worked for everyone I know on the South Side.
Norman, Oklahoma
Co-Worker #1: Weather is the great conversational equalizer.
Co-Worker #2: Yeah.
Co-Worker #1: ‘Cause every place has weather. And chipmunks. But nobody ever talks about chipmunks.
1593 Galbraith Avenue
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Playtah
Co-Worker: Okay, on the spreadsheet we need the city and postal codes for all of your employees in the Netherlands.
Client: Uh, there’s none on file. We just send to “the Netherlands.”
3600 Mansell Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: jenny from the block
Co-worker #1: What’s inside these things?
Co-worker #2: I don’t know, Chocolate, I think.
Co-worker #1: There better not be anything gross inside.
Co-worker #3: That’s why I don’t eat balls, because you never know what’s gonna come out of them.
117 Kendrick Street
Needham, Massachusetts
Male office drone: So my friend says that instead of trying to stop human nature, we should focus our innate racism at a race that doesn't exist anymore. Like the Tuscans.
Female office drone, barely paying attention: Sounds like a cracker.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Coworker #1: Has anyone ever been to Hoover Dam?
Coworker #2: No, but I hear that the Canadian side is much better than the American side.
Pendleton, Indiana
Overheard by: Watching for invading Canadians
Male peon: I’m confused… What ever happened to the dad on Good Times? Did he actually die?
Lady peon: I don’t think so, but I’m going to be really sad when Carl Weathers dies.
51st Street and Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Head cashier: Suck my cock!
Cashier: I'm gonna hang you by your ovaries!
Lake Success, New York
