Office girl: Hey! I haven’t seen you in a while, how’ve you been?
Office guy: Oh, I guess you haven’t heard. Half my ear was bit off [turns to show bandaged ear].
Office girl: Oh my god, that’s awful! Human or animal?
Office guy: Human.
Boston, Massachusetts
Office girl on phone: I figured I might as well not waste these tears, so I took the opportunity to tell them about my fake dead aunt.
Abington, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: alxie
Coworker #1 holding company’s new tech use policy: It says we’re not supposed to blog on company time.
Coworker #2: Whatever. It’s not like we follow any of their other policies, like doing work and shit.
Phoenix, Arizona
Coworker: Yeah, doing the Yoda voice in bed the other night wasn't received very well.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Coworker #1: Do you want to see my diamond?
Coworker #2: That’s not a diamond — that’s your camel toe!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: i got a million of them….
Loud office coworker in horizontal stripes: So I was always saying “I wish I had a doll that could do that. And that. And that. I want a doll that can do everything!”
Coworker, in low, creepy voice: And now you've made your own.
Victoria's Secret Home Office
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: chucky
Office lesbian: Alex and I had another fight. Want to buy a new iPod with the engraving “Happy 21st birthday Alex”?
Office grunt: Has it been polished with tears?
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Finding humor in misfortune
Co-worker: I do find that when I wear my glasses I’m menaced by street hoodlums more.
176 Grand Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Eli Mavros
Co-worker #1: Have you used this new Wite-Out strip thing?
Co-worker #2: Dude, you’re weirding me out.
Co-worker #1: Holy crap, I’ve turned into Milton from Office Space.
1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: callmeahab
Soldier #3 has a glass eye. It is out of his head and lying on the desk.
Soldier #1: Hey [John], let’s go have a smoke.
Soldier #2: Alright. [Places cigarette in mouth and walks toward door.]
Soldier #3: Hey dumbass, you’re inside! Get that fuckin’ cigarette out of your mouth!
Soldier #2: Hey Blackbeard, get a fuckin’ eye in your head!
Building 2411-B
Fort Eustis, Virginia
Overheard by: SGT Grier
