Coworkers

It’s Too Late to Save This Conversation

Straight guy #1: Are we actually watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show?
Straight guy #2: It’s just on.
Straight guy #3: I think she’s hot.
Straight guy #2: Ellen DeGeneres is hot?
Straight guy #3: Yeah.
Straight guy #2: I saw her in real life once.
Straight guy #3: Yeah, where?
Straight guy #2: I was in a lesbian disco in West Hollywood.
Straight guy #3: Wait, she’s gay?
Straight guy #2: Ellen? Are you kidding?
Straight guy #3: Oh, I thought we were talking about Rachael Ray.

1260 Library Street
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: little*bit

It’s the Usual Story, Really…

Security guard #1: … So then she got arrested again.
Security guard #2: Oh, what’s that now?
Security guard #1: Yeah, she got arrested for stealing chickens.

333 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Krazy Karl

Hey – Lesbians Can Be Superficial, Too!

Hostess #1: I wish I were a lesbian sometimes.
Hostess #2: Why is that?
Hostess #1: Oh, you know, so I could dress how I want.
Hostess #2: Ummm… You can do that anyway.
Hostess #1, laughing: Oh, you know what I mean! Baggy clothes!

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: scd

But He Was in the Closet

Coworker #1 : Yo, did y’all know Robert E. Lee was an Aborigine?

Long pause.

Coworker #2: Do you mean ‘abolitionist’?
Coworker #1: Oh, yeah.

1434 Larimer Street
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: John Howard

Officers Had Probable Cause to Administer a Field Civics Test

Girl: So, I’m really scared because I got jury duty. I don’t want to be in the same room as a criminal.
Paralegal: Well, maybe they’re not a criminal. That’s the point of jury duty.
Girl: But… aren’t they guilty if they were arrested? I mean, the police don’t just go around arresting people if they’re innocent.

1355 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York

Overheard by: sam

He Books the WWE Package Tours

Travel agent #1: I would go back there in a heartbeat. China was so awesome.
Travel agent #2: I heard that China was insane.
Travel agent #3: Any ugly girl wrestler has to be a little insane. I mean, Chyna was the craziest woman wrestler ever.
Travel agent #1: Ummm… yeah.

Jasper Avenue
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Somebody in Miami Keeps Buying Us Out

Toy store clerk #1: Hey, Jessie*, do we still have any of those Communist uniforms?
Toy store clerk #2: I don’t think so.
Toy store clerk #1: What about the Communist soldier figurines?
Toy store clerk #2: Hm… I don’t think so.
Toy store clerk #1: Do we have anything Communist-related?
Toy store clerk #2: I think we still have the stick-on Communist facial hair…

29th Street and Guadalupe Street
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: amused socialist

This Is Just Like the Time I Coughed Up That Set of Keys

Woman #1: Oh my god, I got so drunk last night that I ate a cigarette!
Woman #2: What? Did you throw up?
Woman #1: I tried to make myself. I got some of it out, but the filter is still in there. Do you think that’s bad?
Woman #2: I doubt it.
Woman #1: I have no freaking clue why I did it, I just decided to — it was so bizarre!
Woman #2: Oh, man…

1020 19th Street NW
Washington, DC

Toilet Designer: A Clear-Cut Case of User Error

Guy exiting bathroom: I hate it when I go to the bathroom and the back of my pants gets wet!

Cottage Grove, Wisconsin

Overheard by: My Pants are Dry

Yeah, It’s a Cracker Thing. You Wouldn’t Understand.

Paralegal #1: Don’t you remember Zweiback cookies when you were little?
Paralegal #2: Uh, no.
Associate: You white people are into different things.

180 Maiden Lane
New York, New York

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