Account Manager: Hey, do you feel like a monkey in the middle of an idiot sandwich?
Process Analyst: That would make you one of the idiots. Are you calling yourself an idiot?
Account Manager: Oh…huh?
5 minutes later.
Process Analyst: Hey, do you feel like an idiot in a monkey sandwich?
Account Manager: Ha! Now you are the idiot!
Process Analyst: No…that still makes you the idiot.
520 Guthridge Court
Norcross, Georgia
Co-worker #1: Hey, I just made up a new job title for myself.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what is it?
Co-worker #1: I’d like to be called the System Operations Liaison. Or S.O.L. for short.
Co-worker #2: Ha, ha!
Co-worker #1: Man, I crack myself up.
2414 1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Peon to fellow cube-mates: What would happen if no one ever reached their target, but they just kept placing it further and further away for the sake of “striving for excellence”? (pause) Sounds like you're setting up your people for failure. You ever watch Ninja Warrior? That show is the bomb. They have crazy, semi-impossible obstacle courses, and if a contestant passes all four stages, they win. The point is, no one is supposed to win! The obstacles get harder and harder to keep people from succeeding, not to hope and pray that they win… You are all honorary ninja warriors.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Rio
Voluptuous coworker to two male coworkers: … But this Air Force doctor took it and shoved it up there and, let me tell you, it was large.
Lunch room, Environmental company
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Meg
Engineer #1: The error is not repeatable.
Engineer #2: Not repeatable?
Engineer #1: Not repeatable.
Poughkeepsie, New York
Redhead peon: I think I’m getting a migraine.
Blonde peon: Well, like… At least your butt’s not peeling!
44135 5 Mile Road
Plymouth, Michigan
Man: They are having wild fires out West again.
Woman: Maybe we should send them marshmallows.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Coworker on phone to business contact: So, are you talking about fecal year 2008 or 2009?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: analyst
Asian coworker: What are you doing?
Caucasian coworker: Assembling the trade booth so we all know how to do it.
Asian coworker: Trade booth?
Caucasian coworker: For conventions, we set this up so people know who we are.
Asian coworker: What are you trading? Can I trade?
Caucasian coworker: Nevermind! Go back to your desk!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Worker #1: Smell my poncho.
Worker #2: No.
Worker #1: Smell my poncho.
Worker #2: That’s not a poncho, that’s a dry cleaning bag.
Worker #1: It’s a poncho.
Worker #2: It’s a dry cleaning bag with a hood. It’s not a real poncho.
Worker #1: It is so a real poncho. It’s blue.
Worker #2: It’s a dry cleaning bag.
Worker #1: It’s blue.
Worker #2: It’s a–
Worker #1: –It has arm holes.
Worker #2: Jeff*, it’s a dry cleaning bag with a hood, and it smells like cat piss.
Boston, Massachusetts
