Co-worker: This report is bullshit.
Boss: Did you just say “bullshit”? I thought you folks weren’t allowed to swear?
Co-worker: I didn’t swear.
Boss: Yeah you did, no big deal. I don’t want your turban to unfurl.
1 Technology Drive
Milpitas, California
Managing Director: Hey, there’s something wrong in my sister’s account. Her street name is spelled wrong.
Assistant: Is she a rapper?
1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: oink
Exec: I'm having problems receiving e-mail.
IT guy: It's the IMAP you are using. It's not compatible with the settings that you have in your program.
Exec: This is unacceptable. I want you to call IMAP and get this resolved immediately!
IT guy: I can't.
Exec: Why can't you do this?
IT guy: Because IMAP is out to lunch with HTTP.
Los Angeles, California
Customer: I would like a cheeseburger combo, no cheese.
Cashier, looking confused, to coworker: Hey, bro… What's a cheeseburger with no cheese?
Coworker: Are you serious, man?
Irvine, California
Overheard by: Jennifer
Boss to employee: After you pound four beers your balls always end up in the gutter.
San Francisco, California
Employee #1: You have a cute belly button.
Employee #2: Yeah, I know, but there's stuff in it. I am going to dig it out with a paper clip.
Employee #1: Ill.
Employee #2: Look at it!
Employee #1: Gross! Does it smell?
Lancaster, California
Male worker #1, after a meeting: Wanna play hockey?
Female worker: Where’s the goal?
Male worker #1: This is existential hockey. There is no goal. You win when you decide you’ve won.
Female worker: Okay. I’ve won, then.
Male worker #1: Okay.
Male worker #2: They always win.
Male worker #1: That’s true. We can’t win. We’re really not even playing for the same stakes, are we?
800 California Avenue
Sunnyvale, California
Overheard by: Alan
Auditioning guy: So, what should I put down for ‘Citizenship’?
Casting intern #1: Were you born in the United States?
Auditioning guy: Yes.
Casting intern #1: Then put down that you’re a U.S. citizen.
Auditioning guy: Does it matter that I moved to Oregon for eight months?
Casting intern #1: Did you really just–
Casting intern #2, cutting him off: –No, it doesn’t matter.
MTV dating show auditions
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Liz
Peon #1: I'm sorry. I was trying to apply logic to it.
Peon #2: You can't do that. This is a corporation.
San Francisco, California
Man: Well, nobody can believe you’re single and attractive.
Woman: Maybe I should just buy a wedding ring.
420 Ramona Street
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: My Good Ear
