Lowly assistant: We are supposed to have our monthly, quarterly, and annual goals prepared for Tuesday’s meeting.
Lawyer: Really? Tell the office manager to send me everyone else’s goals.
Office manager: I probably won’t have them before the meeting.
Lawyer: But I don’t know what my goals are.
1500 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: It’s Comcastic
Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl [under your desk]?
Elderly Boss: You’re the only one who can. You’re my monkey.
703 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas
Boss: So what school did you go to again?
Worker: The University of Illinois.
Boss: Right…that's an Ivy League school, right?
Worker: (stunned silence)
Boston, Massachusetts
Female CS manager: So I'm talking to this guy, and he goes “so you're the supervisor huh, I bet you've got a fat ass.”
Female assistant: I remember that, I was still back here then.
Female CS manager: I was like “oh my god, is he looking in the window?”
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Coworker: Did you hear? Jerry Brown is our new Attorney General!
Boss: That’s it! Open up all the prisons! Set the prisoners free! And give them all marijuana on the way out!
708 Fiero Lane
San Luis Obispo, California
Director: I haven't slept in 10 days!
Worker bee: Vickie has an amulet–try that.
Redmond, Washington
Boss to underling: What does “lol” mean?
Underling: “Laughing out loud.”
Boss: Oh, good, I thought it was “lots of love.”
Breakwater
Australia
Branch manager: Your monitor is so bright! I love it! It’s got to be the brightest screen in this office!
Sales guy: Uhhh…
Branch manager: It’s like a hospital computer or something! It’s that bright!
Sales guy: … Well, I was out sick last week…
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Very pregnant blonde, about husband's golf game: You'll never guess what Richard shot.
Obnoxious boss: His load, obviously!
San Antonio, Texas
Manager: Yeah, my uncle owns a car lot — he’s a Jew.
Worker: Oh, your uncle is Jewish?
Manager: No, he just rips people off.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: She did not just say that!
