Bosses and Underlings

Keith Gets 30 Days in the Hole

Manager to three people working in cubicle: What are you all doing in here?!
Male coworker: There’s a dead mouse in my cube.
Lady coworker: This is Keith*. He’s a temp, but there’s nowhere for him to sit, so they’re all in my cube.
Manager: What are you doing about the mouse?!
Male coworker: Some guy came up and removed the filing cabinets and found the mouse. But he had to call a guy in another union to come and pick up the mouse.
Manager: What the fuck? This is unbelievable.
Lady coworker: It’s like an overcrowded prison in here.
Manager: Oh, I’ll show you prison [leaves].
Keith: Is she mad?
Male coworker: Isn’t this fun?

777 3rd Avenue
New York, New York

I'm Pretty Sure You're Mis-Remembering Erin Brockovich

Supervisor: Girl, you better give me back those files or I'll take you outside. Like that girl in that movie.

County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Lan

An SOW, an RFP, and Thou Beside Me in the Shipyard

Supervisor to contractor: What can I do to turn you on?

Shipyard
San Diego, California

Overheard by: sarah

Just Wait 'Til She Learns the Third Primary Color

Boss, singing: Blue and yellow! Yellow and blue! Blueeee! Yelloooooow!
Employee: Here she goes again.

Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Carly

Gotta Pray to Play

Female peon #1: It’s so hard to go out, never mind find a new guy. My ex and I both grew up in Randolph, so we know everyone. I can’t go anywhere without him or his friends being there.
Female peon #2: You should come to The Jug with me. I know plenty of guys your age.
Boss: You want to meet guys in a bar? You should get a nice guy from church.
Female peon #2: Are you suggesting that we work the church?

Avon, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Fae

I Can’t Compete with That!

Boss: No, trust me. The last thing you want to do is bring your spouse on a company Las Vegas trip. You’ll be divorced by the time you get home.
Salesman: Oh, really?
Boss: You know, because of all the drugs… and hookers.
Salesman: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

9633 South 48th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

2PM Install Sprinklers and Asbestos

Office Clerk #1: Have you noticed that there aren’t any ceiling sprinklers in this entire building?
Office Clerk #2: Y’know, you’re right. But there are smoke detectors.
Office Clerk #1: And those will certainly help put out the flames when we’re trapped in our cubicles.
Supervisor: Well…maybe the sprinklers are above the false ceiling.
Employee #1: Oh…so when there is a fire the sprinklers will soak the ceiling tiles which will cause them to fall to the ground and smother the flames?

406 West 34th Street
Kansas City, Missouri

11AM Company Meeting

Employee #1: So you’re saying the rumors about the possible merger aren’t true?
Board Member: Yes. It’s like we’re dating. We’re going out but we haven’t kissed yet.
Employee #2: You may not have kissed yet, but it sure seems like you’re sleeping together.

1500 Wallace Boulevard
Amarillo, Texas

10AM Cancel New Headset Order

Employee: My headset for my phone doesn’t work. Can I have a new one?
Supervisor: Let me see that. Oh…you see what’s wrong? Sometimes the data can get caught in the phone line…so just straighten the cord. That makes the voice data come through more quickly and it won’t get all caught up.

11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska

They’re Still Working Out the Details at Homeland Security

Jeff*: Liz*, can you come here?
Liz: Are you going to fire me?
Jeff: I can’t — you’re my supervisor.
Liz: What? No, I’m not. You’re my supervisor.
Jeff: …But if I’m your supervisor, and you’re my supervisor, which one of us is really in charge?
Liz: That depends… If it’s you, are you going to fire me?
Jeff: No.
Liz: Then it’s you.
Jeff: Awesome.

6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Ren

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