Supervisor to contractor: What can I do to turn you on?
Shipyard
San Diego, California
Overheard by: sarah
Supervisor to contractor: What can I do to turn you on?
Shipyard
San Diego, California
Overheard by: sarah
Boss, singing: Blue and yellow! Yellow and blue! Blueeee! Yelloooooow!
Employee: Here she goes again.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
Female peon #1: It’s so hard to go out, never mind find a new guy. My ex and I both grew up in Randolph, so we know everyone. I can’t go anywhere without him or his friends being there.
Female peon #2: You should come to The Jug with me. I know plenty of guys your age.
Boss: You want to meet guys in a bar? You should get a nice guy from church.
Female peon #2: Are you suggesting that we work the church?
Avon, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Fae
Boss: No, trust me. The last thing you want to do is bring your spouse on a company Las Vegas trip. You’ll be divorced by the time you get home.
Salesman: Oh, really?
Boss: You know, because of all the drugs… and hookers.
Salesman: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
9633 South 48th Street
Phoenix, Arizona
Office Clerk #1: Have you noticed that there aren’t any ceiling sprinklers in this entire building?
Office Clerk #2: Y’know, you’re right. But there are smoke detectors.
Office Clerk #1: And those will certainly help put out the flames when we’re trapped in our cubicles.
Supervisor: Well…maybe the sprinklers are above the false ceiling.
Employee #1: Oh…so when there is a fire the sprinklers will soak the ceiling tiles which will cause them to fall to the ground and smother the flames?
406 West 34th Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Employee #1: So you’re saying the rumors about the possible merger aren’t true?
Board Member: Yes. It’s like we’re dating. We’re going out but we haven’t kissed yet.
Employee #2: You may not have kissed yet, but it sure seems like you’re sleeping together.
1500 Wallace Boulevard
Amarillo, Texas
Employee: My headset for my phone doesn’t work. Can I have a new one?
Supervisor: Let me see that. Oh…you see what’s wrong? Sometimes the data can get caught in the phone line…so just straighten the cord. That makes the voice data come through more quickly and it won’t get all caught up.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
Jeff*: Liz*, can you come here?
Liz: Are you going to fire me?
Jeff: I can’t — you’re my supervisor.
Liz: What? No, I’m not. You’re my supervisor.
Jeff: …But if I’m your supervisor, and you’re my supervisor, which one of us is really in charge?
Liz: That depends… If it’s you, are you going to fire me?
Jeff: No.
Liz: Then it’s you.
Jeff: Awesome.
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Lowly assistant: We are supposed to have our monthly, quarterly, and annual goals prepared for Tuesday’s meeting.
Lawyer: Really? Tell the office manager to send me everyone else’s goals.
Office manager: I probably won’t have them before the meeting.
Lawyer: But I don’t know what my goals are.
1500 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: It’s Comcastic
Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl [under your desk]?
Elderly Boss: You’re the only one who can. You’re my monkey.
703 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas
