Coworker #1: We had our monthly departmental breakfast this morning, and Lauren* just wouldn't stop going on about how she never eats sausage. But she sure looks like she eats a lot of sausage.
Coworker #2: Come on, man–we all know that Lauren has never even seen a sausage in her life!
Bellevue, Washington
Office dude: Some of the guys here are so blatant when they stare at and talk about cute girls that work here. I think it’s demeaning.
Office chick: Yeah, but I would rather be sexually harassed for being attractive than have guys call me ‘ugly.’ Wow… I just set the feminist movement back, like, 50 years.
Seattle, Washington
Boss: It's okay to say “masturbation.”
Worker: Okay. He masturbates to his grandma's underwear.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: why do i work here
Girl: I had a duck!
Group: (silence)
Girl: It died once.
Group: (silence)
Boy: Only once?
Girl: Yeah… Only once.
Bellingham, Washington
Cube dweller #1: I heard Obama smokes! I wouldn't want someone who smokes in the White House!
Cube dweller #2: But you smoke!
Cube dweller #1: It's just so irresponsible!
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: just a temp
President, emerging from bathroom: That smell in the bathroom is equal parts chamomile, lavender, and my poop.
1st Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Employee in back room of shop: That chubby little boy who used to walk past my house every day is now a stripper!
Mount Vernon, Washington
Overheard by: HeatherC
Nurse: How have your bowel movements been?
Elderly man: Oh, very good, thank you! Would you like to see?
Hospital
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Molly
Payroll clerk to another: So, whenever anyone says ‘payroll,’ I stab someone and piss myself!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Goin’ Payroll
Trainer: My wife collects bolts of fabric and weaponry… I collect books, DVDs, and Black Plague memorabilia…
Attendee: Ummm, I collect coins…
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: Bored in Training
