Co-worker: I really wish they served beer in the vending machines…by the way, I’m not really an alcoholic, it’s just been one of those days… oh, by the way, you’re new, right? My name’s [Libby], nice to meet you!
300 South Main Street
Blacksburg, Virginia
Diner #1: It’s got just a shade of spice?
Diner #2: Hmmm…
Diner #1: Because I really don’t like the bacon super spicy…
Waiter: Um, yes.
Smoketown Road
Woodbridge, Virginia
Nurse #1: We’re short today, and so everyone is supposed to get one extra patient.
Nurse #2: I hate patients.
8260 Atlee Road
Mechanicsville, Virginia
Voice on PA: Attention, everyone. I just found mouse droppings in the coffee grounds in the big kitchen.
Virginia
Action officer: Nothing like making fun of the blind to get your morning started.
The Pentagon
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Propagandist
Employee #1: I wish we still had dinosaurs. That would be awesome!
Employee #2: Are you high?
Employee #1: No, no, no. I'm just saying, it would totally solve the goose problem.
McLean, Virginia
40-year-old male, after reading joke about KY jelly: I don't get it. What is KY jelly?
Richmond, Virginia
Coworker, discussing why he can't go to lunch: I would fart once in my room on Saturday, and it would totally blow my mind. Then it would proceed to blow everyone else's minds in every other room upstairs. Like, seriously, Joe* was like “did you drop a deuce?” and I was like “no.” Then I proceeded to fart exclusively in the bathroom for the rest of the weekend, and bring a pack of matches too.
Crozet, Virginia
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
Male IT worker: Body glitter is not that hard to wash off.
Richmond, Virginia
Excited supervisor: Want to see pictures of my dead cat?
Fairfax, Virginia
