Lawyer: So, you can recall that you’ve had at least one abortion.
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: So, was this an overnight procedure or something like an outpatient procedure?
Witness: Oh, it was in and out — just like changing oil.
Court reporter: [Gasps.]
Norfolk, Virginia
Asian girl: I only know his size in millimeters -it’s 245.
Shoe store clerk: I won’t be able to help you, we only have American sizes and centipedes.
Asian girl: Ok, Einstein. Give me a 24.5 centipede.
Potomac Mills
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
Angry girl coworker: Goddammit! I fucking hate people!
Friend: But you work in HR…
501 Front Street
Norfolk, Virginia
Co-worker: I really wish they served beer in the vending machines…by the way, I’m not really an alcoholic, it’s just been one of those days… oh, by the way, you’re new, right? My name’s [Libby], nice to meet you!
300 South Main Street
Blacksburg, Virginia
Diner #1: It’s got just a shade of spice?
Diner #2: Hmmm…
Diner #1: Because I really don’t like the bacon super spicy…
Waiter: Um, yes.
Smoketown Road
Woodbridge, Virginia
Nurse #1: We’re short today, and so everyone is supposed to get one extra patient.
Nurse #2: I hate patients.
8260 Atlee Road
Mechanicsville, Virginia
Voice on PA: Attention, everyone. I just found mouse droppings in the coffee grounds in the big kitchen.
Virginia
Action officer: Nothing like making fun of the blind to get your morning started.
The Pentagon
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Propagandist
Employee #1: I wish we still had dinosaurs. That would be awesome!
Employee #2: Are you high?
Employee #1: No, no, no. I'm just saying, it would totally solve the goose problem.
McLean, Virginia
40-year-old male, after reading joke about KY jelly: I don't get it. What is KY jelly?
Richmond, Virginia
