Cube dweller to another: I have time to beat you, but I don’t have time to stop.
Malden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dan
Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category
Could Have Happened to Any of Us
Office girl #1: What’s wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled.
N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: The Temp
You’re Just Too Macho to Say ‘I Love Her’
Guy #1: She was hurt pretty bad in a car wreck a few years ago. She told me she hurt her knee, her back, and her brain.
Guy #2: Wait… So you have been pursuing a girl that has brain damage?
Guy #1: Hey, her vagina works.
571 South Floyd Street
Louisville, Kentucky
To Be Fair, I Think Ann Coulter’s Just Hungry.
Coworker #2: She just looks that way, it’s her default face.
Coworker #1: Well, her default face looks like someone murdered her puppy.
Springfield, Massachusetts
I’m Pretty Sure You’re Mis-Remembering Erin Brockovich
Supervisor: Girl, you better give me back those files or I’ll take you outside. Like that girl in that movie.
County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
While Slapping You Repeatedly
Customer service “specialist”: Sir, I was not yelling, I was only raising my voice.
Sunnyvale, California
If You Were to Take Up a Collection, We’d Chip In.
Coworker, having lunch: Is it bad of me to think of a group of strong guys getting together and jumping Spencer Pratt? I ask because the thought of it really brings a smile to my face.
Melville, New York
9AM Another Week Begins
Engineer: Don’t kill anyone.
Tech Writer: Can I maim them?
Engineer: Yeah. If you maim them you seem like more of a team player.
1550 Buckeye Drive
Milpitas, California
…Planning to Finish That Sandwich?
Coworker #1: You ever fucked a girl so hard she bled?
Coworker #2: Nah, but I’ve seen it.
Coworker #1: You’ve seen it?!
Coworker #2: Yeah, I walked in on my mate and this girl.
Coworker #1: And you stayed around long enough to see that she was bleeding?!
Coworker #2: Well, it was my turn next.
England
…That’s Almost a Good As Knowing an Idol Contestant!
Office lady #1: Did you hear? My buddy shot and killed someone Monday night.
Office lady #2: Uh, what?
Office lady #1: Yep, my buddy Tex! (scurries over to pick up newspaper to proudly show)
Office lady #2: Wow. That’s a bit strange.
Office lady #1: I know. Now I know someone that killed somebody!
Jacksonville, Florida
