Manager, hearing loud sounds of construction hammering: They're supposed to do their banging at night!
Lehi, Utah
Overheard by: Still Snickerin'
Mom to little kid: I told you not to go in the road.
Dad: Yeah, you get hit by a car, you gon’ be in there with mama on a bed. [Kid stares.] You get hit by a car, you gon’ have to get X-rays. You want X-rays? X-rays hurt.
Doctor’s office, 35th Street and Redwood Road
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: JChan
Dispatcher #1: Do you like that Ford truck country singer guy?
Dispatcher #2: Who, Toby Keith? I can't stand that guy, he makes my testosterone boil!
Dispatcher #3: Does that hurt?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Loopy office lady: Oh, in the winter I only drink decaf, but in the summer, I drink coffee with one shot of Kahlua, one shot of Baileys, and one scoop of vanilla ice cream. Oh, yeah! And one shot of amaretto.
Office Park
Murray, Utah
Overheard by: I'm the sucker with cream only.
Waiter to customer: I’m sorry, but we’re out of swiss. Would you like mozzarella or cheddar?
Customer: Swiss.
Waiter: No, we don’t have swiss. Do you want mozzarella or cheddar?
Customer: You don’t have swiss?
Waiter: Nope, but we do have mozzarella and cheddar.
Customer: That sucks!
Waiter: Yeah, I’m sorry. Would you like either mozzarella or cheddar?
Customer: What other cheeses do you have?
Waiter: Mozzarella and cheddar.
Customer: Don’t you have any other cheeses?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Office peon #1: Gah, if I could just tell Excel what I want, it’d be so easy. ‘Do this!’ I’d say, and it would be like, ‘Sure!’ and life would be simpler.
Office peon #2: Or it wouldn’t listen, and you’d put on some leather straps with nipple rings and it’d say, ‘Hit me again. Let me see you get reeeal angry.’
University of Utah
Salt Lake City, Utah
Innocent Mormon: Hey, does anyone want to lick this?
Rest of coworkers, giggling: Ummmm… No.
Innocent Mormon: I want someone else to lick it, I hate licking it myself.
Helpful coworker: Just go get your finger wet and rub it on there.
South Salt Lake City, Utah
Shuttle driver: … So I married a girl from Wyoming.
Customer: Well, at least they shave there.
Hotel
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: confused front desk girl
Man on phone: I'm having surgery next week. (pause) I'm having penis enlargement surgery. (pause) Yeah, but I don't really use mine much anymore. It's good for taking a whiz, and that's about it.
Salt Lake City, Utah
