Pilot over intercom: Sorry, folks. We’ve just lost power to one of our engines. Looks like our arrival time in Washington will be 40 minutes behind schedule.
Disgruntled woman: Better hope we don’t lose that second engine.
Travel partner: Yeah, really.
Disgruntled woman: If we’re 80 minutes late we’ll miss that meeting!
Travel partner: Wait, what?
Flight from Bradley International
Windsor Locks, Connecticut
Female employee, about boring task: There's a big difference between sucking for 20 minutes and sucking for 8 hours.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: As in a difference per hour?
Coworker: In five seconds I’m giving up and giving my fish a bath.
1275 Broadway
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Sally
Girl associate #1: She has to send everything to do with my client through me! So I emailed her and copied her boss and everyone, basically telling her so.
Girl associate #2: Did it work? What did she say?
Girl associate #1: Yeah, but I didn’t even understand what she was talking about and I had way too much to do and so I just told her to take care of it. I so need an assistant.
Girl associate #2: Yeah…
2025 E St, NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Red
The day after the company picnic. . .
Female clerk #1: Was that the new guy playing volleyball? You know the one that keeps trying to adjust his hours.
Manager: Maybe he just needs to wear a jock strap all the time.
Female clerk #2: Adjust his hours! His schedule! Everything is code for crotch to you!
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Boss on speaker: Okay then, I’ll be over in about 30 minutes to look at what you’ve got for me.
Media person: Great, we’ll see you then.
Boss on speaker: …Great, now I have one more fucking thing to do today…Fuck…
Media person: Um…You’re still on speakerphone, buddy.
1901 North Shoreline Boulevard
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: The lowly intern
Ranting coworker filling out deposit: Where do all the paper clips go? Everything gets paper-clipped together, and I never see the paper clips again! I’ll bet the bank takes all the paper clips from our deposits, puts them into little boxes and sells them back to us — that’s where the bank really makes its money, you know.
291 Highway
Liberty, Missouri
Overheard by: stealing the paper clips
Programmer (shouting and thrusting both arms up): Yeah!
Boss: Oh, did you get the stored procedure working?
Programmer: No, Arizona State was voted #1 for hottest women.
Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Co-worker #1: You can’t leave for a day ever again!
Co-worker #2: Why not?
Co-worker #1: Because without you there the average IQ in that room drops to 72.
1834 West Selfridge Street
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: Asja
Lawyer: So, you can recall that you’ve had at least one abortion.
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: So, was this an overnight procedure or something like an outpatient procedure?
Witness: Oh, it was in and out — just like changing oil.
Court reporter: [Gasps.]
Norfolk, Virginia
