Coworker #1: Artificial insemination?
Coworker #2: That way I could have a kid without whoring myself around as much.
Kansas
Archive for the ‘Time Management’ Category
Tonight’s Movie: Debbie Does Droids
Lady peon, imitating a robot: I love you. I love you, too. We should swap transmission fluids.
135 West 50th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Lowly Human
As Cain Said to Abel
Cube dweller to another: I have time to beat you, but I don’t have time to stop.
Malden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dan
4PM Snowmobiling?
Worker: Can I take the rest of the day off?
Boss: LetmethinkaboutthatNo.
Worker: Don’t you want to hear why?
Boss: No.
Worker: Some of the guys are going snowmobiling and I wanted to meet up with them…
Boss: What do you think this is, a resort?
Worker: If it were a resort, I wouldn’t have to leave; there’d be things to do.
900 Simpson Street
Saint Paul, Minnesota
…And When Is It Being Delivered?
Coworker #1: Our annual report is going to be delivered today. Please let me know when it arrives.
Coworker #2: How often do we get that?
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
How Paper-Pushers Glamorize Their Coffee Break
Loner geek, answering phone: The Phoenix rises at 3 pm. (hangs up phone)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bec215
Wanted: Necromancer (This Position Is Part-Time)
Worker #1: Hi, Sally*, my ID has expired. How can I get it renewed?
Worker #2: I suppose the other people on our team will also be expiring soon, too. Do we need to address them now, or should we wait ’til they actually expire also?
55 East Hartland Street
East Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Linda BoBinda
The Bitch Promises, but Never Delivers
Federal employee to coworker in ladies’ room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?
L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Just a contractor
What Smoke-Free Non-Coffee-Drinkers Do on Work Breaks
Reporter to another on deadline day: Hey, you wanna go kick each other in the balls and forget it’s Thursday?
81st Street and Harvard Avenue
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: I don’t have balls, but I know the feeling
11AM Mail Merge
Boss: So then you and Josh will need to mate together the two documents that you’re sending to customers, and include a note explaining why.
Co-worker: Sounds good. Starting in October, [Nathan] and I will send letters to inform all of our customers about our mating.
9630 S. Norwalk Boulevard
Santa Fe Springs, California
Overheard by: Josh
