Female suit on phone in restroom stall: Sorry, I'm in the restroom. So how was the other night? (pause) Oh…I see…what do you mean you didn't do him? (pause) That guy was adorable! There's no excuse for that! (pause, then in a subdued tone) Oh, he likes men…
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Forbes
Suit: I saw a dude on the train this morning with an ass so big when he sat down he got taller!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Suit #1: I think my memory has improved since I started taking those Ginkgo biloba tablets.
Suit #2: Really? I bought a bottle of those, like, two months ago, but I don’t remember where I put it.
2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Male suit: You and your va-jay-jay…
Lady suit: Yeah, so? Guys are obsessed with their dicks. — I’m just protective of my va-jay-jay.
Male suit: That’s ’cause it’s just out there hanging around — anything could just snag it! At least yours is tucked away.
Lady suit: Anything could snag it? Oh my god. Like a hang nail?!
Male suit: Yes.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Corporate suit: Hi, is my attorney here?
Young receptionist: No, sir, she's on maternity leave.
Corporate suit: Maternity leave? Did she have a baby?
Young receptionist: Yes, sir, she did.
Young receptionist to paralegal: Doesn't “maternity leave” mean you have a baby?
Law Office
Kansas City, Missouri
Suit #1: So, you feeling better today?
Suit #2: Man, I’m never eating Indian again.
Suit #1: Can’t have been that bad.
Suit #2: It’s just not manly to pee out your bum.
Hospital
England
Suit #1: So I was banging Alice in her office, and she started crying. It reminded me of George and Meredith in Grey’s Anatomy.
Suit #2: Wow! That must have been a turnoff.
Suit #1: No, I kept going. I just pretended I was banging Meredith.
80 J Street
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Extra Character
Suit: She really did look like the type of woman who would rub glue all over her face.
Washington, DC
Suit to friend: Nobody at work knows I have pierced nipples. Including me.
Fair Lakes, Virginia
