Suits

3PM Coffee Break

EA: …she’s still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it’s been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can’t admit to himself that this happened. All he’s said is, “I sent you to private school! Don’t they have sex ed there?” and “How could this happen?” Which doesn’t help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It’s like, “Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip.” But, well, she’s the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don’t. I never met mine.

40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS

2PM Proofing White Paper

Suit: How do you spell “dyslexia”? I keep mixing up the letters.

3 Second Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

IT Girls: Always Uploading the Sarcasm

Suit: Excuse me, can you help me pick out a docking station?
IT Girl: Isn’t that a personal decision?

1700 N. Beauregard Street
Alexandria, Virginia

Well Ms. Lohan Can Afford It

Suit, about lady smoking crack on stoop: Isn’t she a little dressed up for a crackwhore?

3008 Lincoln Boulevard
Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Not smoking any

He Doesn't Dig Me, I'm Afraid

Suit to intern: Why don't you have your boyfriend dig you out?

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

2PM Make Offer

Suit #1: Well, you’ve heard more than I have. I can think of three candidates, then.
Suit #2: And one very close to you.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: There’s Bill.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And Mark.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And that good-looking guy from Connecticut, the one with the hair.
Suit #1: Right.
Suit #2: Hmm.

140 Broadway
New York, NY

That's What You Said About Using Your Intern As a Bench

Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that data for your report?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can't you just make up the numbers?
Suit #2: I would, but I already made up 60% of the numbers in the report.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, generally 40% of the numbers in a report have to be accurate. It's an accepted standard.

Cleveland, Ohio

Oh My God, You Are Walking It!

Suit on cell: Can I call you back in a minute? I’m about to, uh, walk the lizard. Okay, bye.
Guy in stall: It’s ‘drain the lizard,’ you idiot.

534 Broad Hollow Road
Melville, New York

Overheard by: Super Mike

As Santa Often Says…

Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I’d probably want to jump him, too.

5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Legal Ho’

Career Tip: No Grillz in the Office, Dear Reader

Female suit #1: And after that, I told him that he can do whatever he wants, but in that case we are never kissing again.
Female suit #2: Some lines just shouldn't be crossed.

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Remex

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