Claims adjuster: Sir, insurance companies just don't work like that. (pause) We can't let the body shop do whatever they want. They have to follow an estimate. (pause) Sir. (pause) Well, didn't you just say the shop was full of liars and druggies? (pause) Sir, I'm trying to help you get your car fixed, but you keep calling us druggies and saying that god is going to smite us.
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: I shouldn't have skipped church yesterday
Accountant #1: You know, French onion soup has beef-stock in it.
Accountant #2: But it's not like, real meat, it's just… boiled.
Accountant #1: Don't tell me, tell Jesus!
Albany, New York
Male security guard: You know, it sounded like a thousand golden angels gargling with melted butter.
Female security guard: More like explosive diarrhea.
Lincoln, Nebraska
Coworker to German boss: Every time I see the Dalai Lama, I feel better. It's true, don't you just feel better when you see the Dalai Lama?
German boss: Every time I see Steve Jobs, I feel better.
Van Nuys, California
Overheard by: two chicks laughing in our cubes
Female cube rat #1: I got gasoline panties and I'm going to hell. Hahahahaha!
Female cube rat #2: Gasoline panties? What?
Female cube rat #1: Gasoline panties! And I'm burning in hell! Hehehe!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Boss, during sales meeting: I'm still trying to hire a new salesperson. Actually, Mark* was the best candidate, based on Monica's* recommendation, but he couldn't accept the job. And that happens. So, Monica*, you don't need to feel guilty about wasting anyone's time. Although I don't think you do feel guilty, which is really weird because you're Jewish.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Store manager on phone: And I said, “Lord god, please Jesus, don't let my mama's water be cut off, not with that old man living in that house with her, and he ain't had no bowel movement in three days.”
Northport, Alabama
Overheard by: Lisa
Coworker #1: These are very vicious rabbis.
Coworker #2: Vicious rabbis?
Coworker #1: Yeah.
Manhattan, New York
Administrator: The college president is in the process of finding an old nun.
Indianapolis, Indiana
