Lunching lady #1: It’s the fault of the non-Catholics and non-believers that Terri Schiavo didn’t wake up Easter morning.
Lunching lady #2: It’s so true, you’re so right. They just don’t believe.
401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut
Overheard by: Not a Catholic
Super-rich boss’s wife: So you know how we always call my husband God?
Employees at luncheon: [Puzzled silence]
Super-rich boss’s wife: Seriously, you know how we call him God?
Employees at luncheon: [Silence]
Super-rich boss’s wife: Well, I bought him a horse! And we’re going to call it Jesus! Isn’t that hilarious?
2725 Henry Street
Augusta, Georgia
Guy #1: Have you spoken with [Jon]?
Guy #2: No, it’s like trying to get hold of God.
1000 Great West Road
Brentwood, Middlesex
UK
Overheard by: saffainlondon
Operations Manager: You don’t like peanut butter? You’ve just blasphemed in my office!
10 Universal City Plaza
Universal City, California
Overheard by: Timbleweed
Employee #1: Yeah, I made out with girls when I was younger.
Employee #2: You did?
Employee #3: No way!
Boss: You know, that’s a Jewish thing.
Employee #2: What?
Boss: Yes, a lot of Jewish girls I know have fooled around with their girlfriends or are, you know, lesbians.
6 E. 32nd Street
New York, NY
Jewish Co-worker: Yeah, my Grandpa owns a jewelry store,
Boss: Do you think there’s any connection to the fact that a lot of Jews are Jew-elers?
Jewish Co-worker: Uh, no…
Boss: Because if that was the case, they should start calling landscapers…ital-scapers.
Jewish Co-worker: Wow.
32100 Solon Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Co-worker: One of the people I was meeting with was Ray Charles…the white, Jewish Ray Charles.
550 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Claims adjuster: Sir, insurance companies just don't work like that. (pause) We can't let the body shop do whatever they want. They have to follow an estimate. (pause) Sir. (pause) Well, didn't you just say the shop was full of liars and druggies? (pause) Sir, I'm trying to help you get your car fixed, but you keep calling us druggies and saying that god is going to smite us.
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: I shouldn't have skipped church yesterday
Accountant #1: You know, French onion soup has beef-stock in it.
Accountant #2: But it's not like, real meat, it's just… boiled.
Accountant #1: Don't tell me, tell Jesus!
Albany, New York
Male security guard: You know, it sounded like a thousand golden angels gargling with melted butter.
Female security guard: More like explosive diarrhea.
Lincoln, Nebraska
