Male suit: Meetings are like suction cups. They stick to things and leave a lasting mark that's tough to clean off. They can be useful in some instances, though they almost always suck, and when they don't suck people try and make them suck in a different location.
Underling: You forgot to add, though, that when they aren't working right, you can always start licking to see it that helps. A little moisture always makes things more interesting.
Central Point, Oregon
Overheard by: Turbo
Boss: Does anyone need this 2005 calendar?
Grunt: No thanks; my time machine is broken.
414 South Main Street
Independence, Oregon
Guy on cell: I can hardly hear you. It sounds like you’re in a coffin.
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: brian
Girl: Ummm… You need boy juices in order to make a baby.
610 Broadway
Portland, Oregon
Assistant: Wait, it doesn’t look like the data was deleted when you opened the program.
Boss: What? I thought it was supposed to suck ’em off!
Assistant: What?
Boss: Suck ’em off! Suck ’em off until they’re empty!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Working on my resume
CEO, to no one in particular: So we're talking to this fucking prick up in Alaska, and I keep hearing this whistling. So I say “hey man, what the fuck is that noise? Turns out it's his fucking parrot, so I tell him to kill the fucker. Who has parrots?
Portland, Oregon
Coworker in response to email she just got: Oh my god, Sandy*, you stupid whore.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: other side of the cube
Coworker dissing fire-making skills on Survivor: I would learn to light a fire before I went. I would have to stick the matches up my cooch.
Portland, Oregon
Whiny cube dweller: But I just really enjoy my sausage in the morning, ya know?
Coburg, Oregon
Techie: I’m sorry about the delay. We’re using a new system, and I liked the old system. I’m a creature of habit and resist change.
Customer: Tell me about it; I’m with the Archdiocese.
555 International Way
Springfield, Oregon
