Younger female coworker, describing new boyfriend: The thing is, I don't know if that in the long run he would be happy with me.
Older female coworker: Oh, you know what men are like. All you have to do is pat them on the head once in a while and tell them that they're wonderful and they're happy.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: horrified that she's right
Help desk #1: The staplers are hopelessly broken this time.
Help desk #2: We spend all our time fixing the staplers. Perhaps hwe should just call ourselves Stapler User Services instead of Computer User Services.
3203 SE Woodstock Boulevard
Portland, Oregon
Boss: I don't mean to piss on your snow cone, but taking a vacation day the Friday before Labor Day weekend is a no-go!
Portland, Oregon
Market researcher, frustrated at client: I don’t have auto pilot Las Vegas porn attendance statistics in my brain!
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
GM: How were you days off?
Supervisor: Pretty good. Did some hiking.
GM: How was the conference?
Supervisor: What conference?
GM: I e-mailed you Wednesday about the loss prevention meeting on Thursday morning. I know it was short notice.
Supervisor: Thursday was my day off. Wednesday was my day off. I wasn’t here to check my e-mails.
GM: So you didn’t go to the mandatory meeting?
Supervisor: Um.
GM: You have to check your e-mail every day. No excuses.
Supervisor: I wasn’t here to check my e-mail.
GM: No excuses.
687 12th Street
Gresham, Oregon
Overheard by: I love 50 e-mails a day
Dude: All my meth addict friends are like, ‘That’s so cool. You have a job.’
Portland, Oregon
Office woman #1: You don't wanna eat butt?
Office woman #2: Not stinky butt!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Silent Assistant
IT #1: I asked him if he was in the United States.
IT #2: I tell people if you want to buy a computer, call their support line. If you can’t stand the accent, don’t buy that computer.
1100 SW 6th Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Employee #1: I need you to check this.
Employee #2: Why, because I'm Asian?
Employee #1: Aw, don't play the race card.
Employee #2: Oh, so now I'm a race car?
Tigard, Oregon
Insurance coordinator on phone: I received your mold report and just for future reference, “caulking” is not spelled “c-o-c-k-i-n-g.”
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kanee
