Employee on phone: Wait, let me read you the email he sent out this morning: “Just a reminder that today, like every Friday, is acquittals day. So acquit, acquit, acquit away, and keep the frightening audits at bay.” Yep, poetry…See? This is why I’m leaving.
Elizabeth Street
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Tigertail
Secretary: So, the next time you shut the door to take one of your sex calls, I’m going to nail it closed!
311 Main Road
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: mookie
Worker on phone: What time does she get in?…That’s kind of late. I’ll leave Lydia* with my mom, no reason to drag her all they way to the airport and back. Maybe we can find some place to have sex in the car on the way down there…Maybe I shouldn’t say stuff like that when I don’t have a ceiling or real walls.
333 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
Coworker on the phone: I’ve been doing the balls and it’s been working.
6412 Maple
Westminster, California
Customer rep on phone: No, ma’am. I’m sorry but I can’t come to your room and fix your equipment….because I’m not on the third floor. I’m in Denver and you’re in San Francisco.
11400 Westmoor
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: losing patience
Consultant on phone: Is a part of the transition plan cloning yourself?
330 University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
CSR: So then he goes, “This is Motorola, right? Because with that voice of yours, for a second there, I thought I called the wrong number” oh, but it didn’t stop there…he keeps on with “you know, like, a 900 number, right?” I mean, eww…I did not need to know that.
1301 East Algonquin
Schaumburg, Illinois
Guy on phone: Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t get the fax?
Pause
Guy on phone: Well I specifically wrote on the fax cover sheet, “If you don’t get this, call me.”
265 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Ray Del Savio
Employee: Do you have the budget?
Executive: Yeah, I just don’t know where Dingle Farts put it, you know, Marcus*.
Employee: You know you’re on speakerphone, right?
Pause
Employee and executive erupt in laughter.
Pause
Executive: He’s right there, isn’t he? He’s always right there, lurking…
6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Coworker on phone: Hello? Hi honey. Yes? No, no. Mayonnaise. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise? M. A. Y. O. N. N. A. I. S. E. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Okay, see you tonight.
1150 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, New York
