How Do You Think I Got This Job?

Producer, on phone: I don’t know how to make this more clear: Eat the bugs! You have to eat the bugs! Open your mouth, plug your nose, and shove the bugs in your mouth!

6727 Odessa Avenue
Van Nuys, California

Posted on August 16, 2019
California, Executives, On the phone

The White Bear's Always Trying to Keep Us Down

Woman on the phone (groaning): What are they protesting this time? (pause) Are they protesting polar bears again?

Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: who wouldn't protest?

Posted on August 10, 2019
Animals, Default, On the phone, Questions

He’s Fated to Become the Regional Manager

Employee: Fuck you very much for calling Blockbuster; how may I abuse you?…Oh, hi, Bill* [regional manager]…Yeah, today’s my last day.

Blockbuster
Del Mar, California

Overheard by: Petyr

Posted on August 9, 2019
California, Hiring & Firing, On the phone, Retail

If It Involves Your Bunions Again, I'm Hanging Up.

Coworker on phone: Ma'am, are you an owner with Melvin? I can't help you if you're not an owner with Melvin. Again, ma'am, I can't help you if you're not an owner with Melvin. We didn't even book your vaca…okay, fine. Tell me your little story.

Redmond, Washington

Posted on August 6, 2019
Body Parts, Coworkers, On the phone, Questions, Vacation, Washington

It Has Check Boxes and Fill-in Lines?

Employee on the phone: No, it's just… Well, it's a hermathodite (pause) No! The form, not me.

Ontario
Canadia

Posted on August 2, 2019
Canadia, Employees, On the phone, Sexuality, Weirdness

Not Improperly Sore, Like I Was in Prison

Manager on phone: How was my day off? Well, I'm properly sore now.

Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Doug's Mom

Posted on July 29, 2019
Default, Employees, Feelings, Health & Hygiene, Nebraska, On the phone, Questions, Time Management

The “Enter” Key's Somewhere Near the Middle Of Your Keyboard, Sir

Tech on phone: Please click start, type “cmd” and press enter. (pause) It should have brought up a command prompt. (pause) Nothing yet? Hmmm. Let me remote in. (starts laughing uncontrollably) Sir, you have to type “cmd” and press the enter key. Typing “cmdandpressenter” will not work. Sorry I wasn't more clear.

Dodge St
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: northern lad

Posted on July 25, 2019
General Idiocy, Nebraska, On the phone, Tech People, Technology, Words

Tell Him I Said “Hi, Dad”

Bald guy on phone: So who's the head on that? Okay. Hey, could you hold on a second? (covers receiver) Fuck! (rolls eyes) Okay, I'm back. So he's coming?

New York City, New York