Nurse, screening for life insurance: So tell me about your siblings…
Male worker: Well, I have 3 sisters, two older and one who’s a twin. I’m the youngest by two minutes.
Nurse: Oh, really? You have a twin sister? Are you identical?
Male worker: Are you serious? You’re a professional nurse and you’re asking me if I’m identical to my twin sister? Is this screening over because I’ve got work to do.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Stan Green
Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!
Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!
ER nurse #1: No, she wouldn’t let us. I’ve been trying for 20 minutes.
ER doctor: Well, then she needs to understand that we can’t establish the assault if we can’t get to the evidence.
ER nurse #1: I don’t think she cares. I mean, she wanted me to smell her underwear!
ER nurse #2: What? Did you?
ER nurse #1: Yeah. It didn’t help.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
20-ish male CNA: Hey, what’s a taint?
20-ish female nurse #1: Well, it ‘taint your balls, and it ‘taint your asshole — it’s in between.
20-ish female nurse #2: I don’t think I have a taint…
20-ish male CNA: I had a girlfriend in high school who used to like to put her tongue there!
130 2nd Street
Neenah, Wisconsin
Nurse: I have unusually large labia.
Other nurses: Ummm…
Hospital
New Hampshire
Overheard by: I Don’t
Crazy ER patient: I believe in the Lord! I believe in the Lord! I believe in the Lord!
Monotone nurse #1, taking vitals: Blood pressure, 150 over 80… Pulse, 110.
Nurse #2: Yes, yes, but does he believe in the Lord?
Monotone nurse #1: Haha. Hold him. [Jabs crazy patient with a needle.]Crazy ER patient: I believe in– Aaauuugh! You bitch!
Nurse #2: What about the Lord?
Crazy ER patient: Auuugh! Stop taking my blood, you bitch!
Colorado
Overheard by: TK
