Admin on phone: I’m sorry I just wanted to double check that you received it. I am a bit of a wigger.
Pause.
Admin: Wigger? You know, I wig out about stuff.
Pause.
Admin: No, I don’t know another meaning to the word wigger, but I guess it’s bad since your’re telling me not to say it.
333 Earle Boulevard
Uniondale, New York
Male bank teller: Tall people should wear big boots, and short people should wear short boots!
Female bank teller: Naw.
Male bank teller: Yes!
Female bank teller: Naw.
Male bank teller: Yes!
Pratt Institute
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Josh
Cubicle dweller: Yeah, it's humongous! I have a picture of it!
Rockefeller Center
Manhattan, New York
Lackey #1: My buddy tells me he exercises his cock in the shower by doing curls with a wet towel.
Lackey #2: That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the best way to do that is by flexing your chode muscle all day long.
100 Wall Street
New York, New York
Designer: Any cat lady with a sticker-printing machine… can make stamps.
Manhattan, New York
Attorney: Oh, god, not her. She is an insufferable hag. Tell her I’m not in the office.
Temp on phone: I’m sorry, ma’am, he’s out of the office… Well, I apologize, but he’s not here right now… Yes, I’m aware that lying to another attorney is unethical… Ma’am, you did not hear his voice in the background… No, I’m telling you, he’s not here… Well, how do you know that was his voice? Couldn’t it have been an intern or another attorney? … Well if it sounded like him, who’s to say his son isn’t visiting today and that’s whose voice you heard? Yes, I’ll give him the message. Thank you.
Attorney: So… Have you considered law school?
Long Island law firm
Long Island, New York
Construction guy #1, about roof: Why do they need to jack it another inch?
Construction guy #2: To spread the load.
Hawthorne, New York
Underling #1: Am I fired?
Boss: No, ’cause then we’d have to hire her, and she’s only part time.
Underling #2: Me?
Underling #1: She wouldn’t take the job.
Boss: Yes, because she’s smarter than you.
334 East 14th Street
New York, New York
Suit #1: Well, what about Harry*? We could put him on the local board. He has a lot of connections around the city.
Suit #2: Wait, didn’t he just get out of prison?
Suit #3: Eh, he’s paid his debt to society. Plus, I’m sure he’s looking for a job.
Conference room
New York, New York
Lady coworker, after hanging up: So, have you ever been called a ‘piece of shit’ by your daughter?
West 26th Street
New York, New York
