Presenter: People never want to see Loss Prevention until they need them. But we’re friendly. Like the police in your town. I mean, don’t you think the police in your town are your friends?
The class stared back at him blankly.
10 Mountainview Road
Upper Saddle River, New Jersey
Coworker, angrily: I can't help it if I care! I have a soul.
Boss: Leave it in the car on your way in.
Outpatient Mental Health Facility
New Jersey
Overheard by: Peon
Female grad student: I think I lost the sperm, and I'm not even sure what the sperm looks like.
Carl Icahn Laboratory, Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: my experiment's not that fun
Male worker: She's off, her mother just died.
Female worker: Yeah, her hair looked great today.
Deli
New Jersey
Overheard by: waiting in line
Super pregnant co-worker to new hire: Oh my god, it's like I can feel his face pushing up against my vagina whenever I walk!
(new hire stares in stunned silence)
Super pregnant co-worker, attempting to backpedal: Well, I mean, not all the time. But if I walk really fast then I get worried it'll mess up his face! Like, “woah, dude, what happened to your nose?” “My mom had a really heavy gait when I was in utero, man.”
New Jersey
Overheard by: So, what does it feel like when you sit?
Human resources rep, bringing in files: I am the depositor of things to be scanned!
Peon: I don't like you.
Human resources rep: Hahaha! I don't like you, either.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Coworker, on accepting payment: Sir, I can take it one of two ways, but I do need it badly today.
New Jersey
Manager: I can't take any time off between jobs, with what my wife spends. I have to jump on the next job before she empties out our bank account.
Raritan, New Jersey
Manager: I hate it when black people make a big deal about being black when they accept awards. It’s like the Holocaust; they have to get over it.
4189 Route 9
Freehold, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert Max Freeman
Professor: For example, say I give this woman a hundred-dollar bill… No, that's not a good example. Say I give her a mug of hot lava…
Stevens Tech
Hoboken, New Jersey
