New Jersey

Cashier: Is that the one you were engaged to?
Manager: Yes.
Cashier: Who broke it off?
Manager: He did. But I’m glad he did — he was a nutcase.
Cashier: Oh. Really crazy or just strange?
Manager: Crazy. Didn’t I tell you? He proposed to me again at his mother’s funeral after he had broken off the first engagement.
Customer and cashier: What?!
Manager: Yeah. He got down on one knee in front of all his family as they were lowering the freakin’ casket with his dead mother into the ground and asked me to marry him again. I said no, of course.
Cashier: Well, that’s awkward.

Grocery store
New Jersey

Overheard by: Laura

Birthday: Thanks.
Office: Speech!
Birthday: I want you all to know that this is the oldest I’ve ever been.

150 River Street
Hackensack, New Jersey

Customer: Can you put directions for the delivery man on the label?
CSR: Sure.
Customer: Tell him to give it to me through the back door.
CSR: The back door?
Customer: Yeah.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Manager leaving toilet stall, to next person in line: Don’t worry — I didn’t leave anything in there.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.

Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey

Woman on bus: You've gotta be careful in life and not let your mishaps turn into haps!

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Evan

Guy: I really like cigars.
Girl: Really? Ew!
Guy: I used to smoke them all time.
Girl: Gross!
Guy: I haven't had one in a long time, but they were delicious.
Girl: I just think they seem so disgusting.
Male coworker, catching the tail end of the conversation: Hey, are you guys talking about the McRib?

Camden County, New Jersey

Suit #1: Are you going to the farewell party for [Liz]?
Suit #2: I don’t know yet. Does she know she’s leaving or is it a surprise party?

3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Female CS manager: So I'm talking to this guy, and he goes “so you're the supervisor huh, I bet you've got a fat ass.”
Female assistant: I remember that, I was still back here then.
Female CS manager: I was like “oh my god, is he looking in the window?”

Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bruce Banner

Supervisor: I drew his foot, but it looks like a penis.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon