Division manager, addressing 200-member division: As part of the new policy, employees will not be allowed to carry over vacation days to next year.
District manager: Could I use days I have left in the first week of January?
Voice from speakerphone: That's next year, asshole!
(stunned silence)
Morristown, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jack Satan
Anglo coworker during meeting, loudly: Mi lapiz es muy grande!
Air Force Base, California
Overheard by: Joe
Female marketing manager on phone: That was the best meeting we've had since I've been here. It felt like sex! When it was finished I wanted to smoke a cigarette and drink some scotch.
Technology Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Project manger: From now on all of the questions are going to be rhetorical.
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]Project manager: You know what rhetorical means, don’t you?
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]Project manager: Anyway…
Fairfax, Virginia
Co-worker #1: Are we loud in meetings?
Co-worker #2: Some of us are.
Co-worker #1: Let me correct that: are we allowed in meetings?
3650 131st Avenue SE
Bellevue, Washington
Controller to president: I’m ready, baby, what do you wanna do? You wanna do it in my office? C’mon baby, what do you wanna do?
President: I want for you not to touch me with your viral infections.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Boss: I don’t want it turning into a mega gangbang.
226 Penarth Road
Cardiff
UK
CEO: Everyone was at that meeting! If your name began with a consonant or a vowel, you were in the fuckin’ meeting!
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Consultant: So what is this meeting about, anyway?
Boss: Why is everyone so concerned about this meeting?
Consultant: Well, for starters it’s 3 hours long–
Boss: Don’t worry, we can’t fire all of you…
595 Madison Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Trouble
Manager: Will you guys stop talking during my presentation?
Underling: I wasn’t talking, I was asleep…
Abingdon Science Park
Abingdon, Oxfordshire
UK
