Guy to friends: I'm sorry, I have to write a story about crabs. I have to run.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: that's awkward
Guy to friends: I'm sorry, I have to write a story about crabs. I have to run.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: that's awkward
Teacher: When he came in to register his kids here, he tried to use his arrest report as his proof of address. “Possession with intent to sell,” it said. I told him, “You can’t use that as your proof of address; you need a BGE or a water bill.”
2000 Cecil Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Coworker, on cell: I'm sorry, she's passed away. (pause) She's passed away. (pause) She's dead.
Baltimore, Maryland
Desk rat: Oh… We’re out of coffee. (pause) I would rather kill everyone in this building than make a new batch.
(everyone turns to stare)
Desk rat: What? I didn’t say anything that you weren’t all thinking.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
Female coworker #1: Yeah, I didn't come into work the other day because I was bleeding so bad, I mean I was in the bathroom every hour changing my pad.
Female coworker #2: I know, I bleed extremely heavily! I'm in there at least every 20 minutes.
Female coworker #1: At least I'm not like Patti*, she was bleeding like the Niagra Falls. When I'm bleeding all over myself, I just don't feel like working.
Cecil County, Maryland
Coworker on cell: I just don't understand bro, what do you need a real human head for?
Baltimore, Maryland
Receptionist: With girls it’s okay to imagine things and dream. Boys, you do that, you’re gay.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: True Believer
Office wench: I ordered those things you wanted!
Boss: Did you?
Office wench: I think…
Boss: Thanks.
513 Progress Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: cubical dweller
Peon: I am stealing this.
CEO: Why?
Peon: Because I have to send it somewhere and you stole it when you went on one of your frenzies and now that you are calm I am sending it away.
CEO: But why did I go off?
Peon: Like I ever know why you go off. It is just something you do. I just wait until it passes and do what should have been done before. It is just the way it works.
407 East Gude Drive
Rockville, Maryland
Coworker: I forgot to bring a water bowl for [my dog], do you have anything?
Boss, cheerily: You can use my “15 years sober” bowl!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
