Saleswoman: I've had this cough for weeks. It's in my back now. I'll cough so bad sometimes that I'll almost pee myself or I'll throw up. I've tried every over-the-counter medicine they make. Tylenol, Theraflu, I've tried them all. I just can't get rid of it.
Coworker: Cigarette?
Saleswoman: Yeah, I could really use one.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: non-smoker
Two female coworkers in unison: Nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nu!
Suitland, Maryland
Post-doc: I see… You condition the mouse to know that it gets a treat after you pick it up.
Professor: Exactly. ‘I know I’m happy when you touch me and give me food!’
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Female personnel supervisor: How’s it goin’, sexy britches?
Female employee, staring before laughing: They’re just jeans…
Female personnel supervisor: You better not report me to HR for that.
Female employee: Only if you promise to never combine those two words again. Ever.
Research Boulevard
Maryland
Overheard by: Baggy Trousers
Coworker #1: I would have been up all night with my shotgun.
Coworker #2: Why? The cops already had the perpetrator.
Coworker #1: Whatever, you’re just saying that because he was black… otherwise he would have just been a suspect.
Coworker #2: Ummm, the guy was white. I never said he was black. All I said was he wasn’t wearing shoes.
Pacific Drive
Lexington Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Perpetrators
Designer #1: So what do you want the parameter name to be?
Designer #2: Let's call it “xmlFileUrl”, with the “f” and the “u” capitalized.
Baltimore, Maryland
Worker #1: When do you leave for the trip?
Worker #2: In about 20 minutes.
Worker #1: Well, are you jizzed?
Worker #2: What?
Worker #1: Jizzed. You know, excited!
Worker #2: Uh, sure.
Red Run Boulevard
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: Matt
Office worker #1: Oh, the weather outside is frightful—
Office worker #2: So is your damn singing.
1501 Georgia Avenue
Wheaton, Maryland
FedEx Driver: Gs prices are so expensive I am thinking about delivering packages on a bike.
Warehouse employee: You and your people should be used to that.
4000 Coolidge Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Accounts receivable lady: I don’t mean to be rude, but could one of you unhook my bra? I’ve about had it with this stupid thing! [Order entry woman unhooks lady’s bra, and lady takes her bra off to swing around in air while keeping her shirt on.] Freedom! Freedom at last!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: never a dull moment
