Woman #1: I hate living alone.
Woman #2: I love living alone.
Woman #1: It sucks going home to nobody, having nobody to talk to — it just sucks.
Woman #2: You want to live together?
Woman #1: No!
Motorola, 1301 East Algonquin Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Electronics clerk: If I were a tap dancer, I’d tap dance all over the store.
Jewelry clerk: Like this? [Flails arms and pretends to tap dance.]Electronics clerk: No… That was gay.
2600 Midland Boulevard
Ft. Smith, Arizona
Overheard by: i love my job
Boss: I was out at the corporate office yesterday. Do you know who was asking about you?
Worker: No, who? Who?
Boss: No one!
303 Roslyn Road
Mineola, New York
Overheard by: Jeff Bailey
Holy roller #1: He has a Jesus hat on. He looks really WT today.
Holy roller #2: Praise him.
Holy roller #1: Is that his wife? I think it is.
Holy roller #2: ‘Thin-lipped, snake handling Jesus freaks,’ I can hear her shrieking already. I wonder if they speak in tongues… Durka durka blah blah burble burble…
Holy roller #1: That’s what it sounded like. Here they come…
Holy roller #2: I can feel the holy spirit oozing out of her. I’ll bet she smells like Jesus.
Holy roller #1: Totally.
757 North Broadway
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Guy with monitor: You need anything else moved into your office?
Other guy: No, but you’re my IT bitch so I’ll call you when I need something.
525 W. Van Buren Street
Chicago, Illinois
Software developer, after running a successful test: Boo-yah! I’m not dumb! I may not know what 12 minus 5 is, but I’m not dumb! Who cares if I can’t add?
Suburb
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Mom, pointing to friend’s child: Say ‘Hello’ to Aidan*.
Shy child hiding face in mom’s leg: ‘Lo.
Mom: If you can’t look at him and ‘Hello’ properly then you can’t have swimming lessons. There, I just saved a hundred and fifty dollars!
145 Harlow Street
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Kelly
Nerd #1: You need to stop playing that damn game. It's horrible. Look at yourself!
Nerd #2: Look. You can get on me all you want about World of Warcraft, but at least it's not Scientology!
Nerd #1 (looking nonplussed ): You mean to tell me that's your excuse for why World of Warcraft is acceptable!? Are you kidding me?
Nerd #2: Hmmmm, I suck at life.
Orange, California
Worker#1: Give me some jellybeans.
Worker#2: Fuck you! (pause) And don't call me jellybeans.
Clifton, New Jersey
Student on phone: Sir, as a current student at XYZ College*, I know I can talk to you about all the improvements that we’ve made since you attended…. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. No… No, I didn’t realize you hated XYZ. I will be sure to tell him that… Repeat after you? Sir, please… I promise I’ll tell him… Okay, sir, I’ll tell him that you said that everyone at this school can fuck themselves and suck your 70-year-old balls… Thank you. You have a good night, too, sir.
515 Loudon Road
Loudonville, New York
Overheard by: trying not to laugh while on the phone
