Office peon #1: Last night I had a dream about being attacked by a donkey.
Office peon #2: Oh, I know what your mean: zebras are my Freddy Krueger.
Office peon #1: I know, right? Because they don't even sound like regular fucking horses.
Office peon #2: And they're camouflaged like lightning!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Best Nature Documentary EVER!
Coworker #1: Was it a Woody Allen movie?
Coworker #2: No, it was a comedy.
1865 Grandstand
Elgin, Illinois
Coworker to another: We're a fucking team here, asshole!
The Woodlands, Texas
Overheard by: Jeremy
Girl: God, she is such a bitch!
Guy, matter-of-factly: Hos gotta be bitches or they get no respect.
540 Baxter Street
Athens, Georgia
IT guy #1: You just need to shut your mouth and cowboy up.
IT guy #2, shocked: Cowboy up!?
IT guy #1: Yeah, cowboy up.
IT guy #2, dismissively: Cowboy up, my ass…
New Jersey
Overheard by: Sully
VP on phone with angry customer: Well, I’m sorry that nobody has been here to take your calls or return your messages yet. We’ve been busy in the office lately… Yes, I understand it’s frustrating, but we’re doing all we can… Okay, look Larry*, look — the reason nobody’s here whenever you call is because we just got caller ID last week, and everybody ignores you because nobody wants to deal with you because you’re an asshole… Yeah, I heard you were a real piece of work to our receptionist… You’re an asshole! Yeah? Well, I don’t care if we have your business anymore. Asshole!
Beltsville, Maryland
Overheard by: The abused receptionist
Product Manager #1: It’s Spring Break.
Product Manager #2: How come we don’t get Spring Break?
Intern #1: Because you’re no longer young.
Intern #2: Or pretty.
777 4th Street
Los Angeles, California
Two nursing assistants were feeding old men at the home.
Nursing assistant #1: Wow, you’re a really awesome chewer.
Nursing assistant #2: I bet you say that to all the guys.
694 Isaac Prugh Way
Kettering, Ohio
Radio host: Just give me hand signals–5 fingers, 5 minutes left. 4, 3, 2, 1.
New producer: Okay, but I'm using whichever finger I want for “one minute.”
Varrick St
New York City, New York
Customer: How many pieces of chicken are in the 12-piece meal?
Employee: Are you fucking with me?
Thornton, Colorado
