Employee #1: They got suspended.
Employee #2: Why?
Employee #1: They were grinding during the National Anthem.
Employee #2: Oh, how do you do that?
Employee #1: Haven’t you seen the pony commercial? You can grind to anything.
201 Recreation Drive
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Banker #1: How do you file an old CD referral?
Banker #2: Well you submit it and cancel it and submit it and cancel it and repeat that 5 times, and then wash your hands…Oh, I thought you said OCD referral. Like obsessive-compul–
Banker #1: I get it.
1241 South Wabash Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Teddy
Coworker on phone: You mean “s” as in “Frank”?
Morris, Illinois
Co-worker: I think from now on, I’m going to speak in the third person about myself, and I’ll call myself “Angry Chinese clam.” Angry Chinese clam is most displeased with your actions.
120 North La Salle
Chicago, Illinois
Ditzy office peon looking at pregnant celebrity in magazine: It looks like she's wearing one of those sha…sha-long things, ya know, that you carry a baby in.
Girl: Don't you mean “sarong”?
Male office peon: Hahaha you said “shlong”!
Central Avenue
Wood Dale, Illinois
Boss: Hey, how do you spell ‘Japanese’? [Peon spells it.] Hmmm, do you think she was Japanese? How do you spell ‘Chinese’? [Peon spells it.] I don’t know if she was Chinese, though… Here’s what we’ll do — [begins typing letter] ‘The child speaks Asian…’ Wait, how do you spell ‘Asian’?
1000 West Central Road
Mount Prospect, Illinois
Overheard by: I work here?
Engineer #1: I’m going to head back to where I’ve been working. Nobody knows where it is. I call it my happy place.
Engineer #2: Take a muffin!
Engineer #1: Nice! I just want half, though.
Engineer #2: Don’t take half! Take the whole thing. [To Engineer #3] Stick the rest of that muffin in your happy place.
Engineer #3: That’s disgusting.
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Nic
Cubicle #1: That movie was complete donk.
Cubilce #2: You’re a snob. I thought it was fun, and I loved the Roxanne Tango bit.
Cucible #1: Dude, that movie was a smegma sandwich and fuck anyone who says otherwise.
Cubicle #3: Hear, hear.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: still laughing
Biotech peon: Someone should tell her that dress makes her look like a 90-year-old Hawaiian woman. A blind, drunk 90-year-old Hawaiian woman.
York Road
Elmhurst, Illinois
Employee at microwave: You know those meatballs have meat in them?
Microwaving employee: Right? Hence, meatballs.
Employee at microwave: Don’t you know the day?
Microwaving employee: Sure, it is Friday all day.
Employee at microwave: Well, it’s Lent, too.
Microwaving employee: You don’t say… Seeing as how I am a big Jew we don’t celebrate that.
Tinley Park, Illinois
