Boss: Hey, how do you spell ‘Japanese’? [Peon spells it.] Hmmm, do you think she was Japanese? How do you spell ‘Chinese’? [Peon spells it.] I don’t know if she was Chinese, though… Here’s what we’ll do — [begins typing letter] ‘The child speaks Asian…’ Wait, how do you spell ‘Asian’?
1000 West Central Road
Mount Prospect, Illinois
Overheard by: I work here?
Engineer #1: I’m going to head back to where I’ve been working. Nobody knows where it is. I call it my happy place.
Engineer #2: Take a muffin!
Engineer #1: Nice! I just want half, though.
Engineer #2: Don’t take half! Take the whole thing. [To Engineer #3] Stick the rest of that muffin in your happy place.
Engineer #3: That’s disgusting.
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Nic
Cubicle #1: That movie was complete donk.
Cubilce #2: You’re a snob. I thought it was fun, and I loved the Roxanne Tango bit.
Cucible #1: Dude, that movie was a smegma sandwich and fuck anyone who says otherwise.
Cubicle #3: Hear, hear.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: still laughing
Biotech peon: Someone should tell her that dress makes her look like a 90-year-old Hawaiian woman. A blind, drunk 90-year-old Hawaiian woman.
York Road
Elmhurst, Illinois
Employee at microwave: You know those meatballs have meat in them?
Microwaving employee: Right? Hence, meatballs.
Employee at microwave: Don’t you know the day?
Microwaving employee: Sure, it is Friday all day.
Employee at microwave: Well, it’s Lent, too.
Microwaving employee: You don’t say… Seeing as how I am a big Jew we don’t celebrate that.
Tinley Park, Illinois
Receptionist: Will you watch the phones so I can use the restroom, please?
Salesman: Only if I can smell your seat when you get up!
Chicago, Illinois
Boss: You know what my problem is? I’m too nice a guy. I fired [Lenore] this morning. I should’ve kept her on till the end of the day, but then I would’ve felt like I was using her. I’m an idiot.
Salesperson: That’s two problems.
40 Shuman Boulevard
Naperville, Illinois
Secretary: What does it do when it archeeves my email?
Boss: Are you serious?
Secretary: I mean, where does it go after it’s done archeeving?
Boss: Oh god.
5353 McCurry Road
Roscoe, Illinois
Pale girl: Look at these freckles on the back of my hand. Oh, my — what is this dark ring?!
Smoker: That’s called a tan.
130 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
Grunt #1: So, this report is wrong.
Grunt #2: Yes.
Grunt #1: I see what I did wrong.
Grunt #2: Good!
Grunt #1: Do you know why I filled this out incorrectly?
Grunt #2: Uhhh…
North Side
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Diana_C
