Executive to director: What are you doing at five pm today?
Director: Whatever you need me to be doing.
Executive: I'm interviewing a young lady with Down's syndrome and I was hoping to have someone sit in with me to make sure I don't say anything retarded.
Director: (blank stare)
Executive: Oh. Yeah. Like that.
Kansas City, Missouri
Horse veterinarian to assistant: Okay, I'm going to need him sedated. Sue, you scrub him, and…Heather, get on the penis.
Cleveland, Ohio
Store manager: These new shoes make me feel like I'm walking on dead babies. (pause) You know, before they hit rigor mortis.
Kitchener
Canadia
Overheard by: Drewerd
Male coworker #1: My hands are unusually soft and supple today.
Male coworker #2, putting on lotion: Now mine will be too! You got me in the mood!
Irvine, California
Overheard by: mikkele
Lady in stall: I am on the toilet! I am biting the bullet! I am making a song about poo! What does that say about you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
Blonde, ditzy coworker: Well, why would they send gloves? Babies are born without thumbs. Even I know that, and I don't have any children!
Westport, Connecticut
Cube rat on phone: I hate those poops that leave you feeling like you spent a night in jail!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Female cube dweller: I know! I am such a bad smeller!
Hartford, Connecticut
Female coworker #1: I smell fish. Do you smell fish?
Female coworker #2: I do. How 'bout you start washing your vag more often than you wash your car?
Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York
Overheard by: Molly Guns
Employee/roommate #1: I'm sorry but I have to keep my poop in the refrigerator.
Employee/roommate #2: Only if you double bag it.
39th St & Broadway
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Annie
