Assistant #1: I just accidentally punched that girl in the head by the fax machine.
Assistant #2: Good.
Assistant #1: Yeah, but then she said “Ow” all drawn out and gave me a nasty look.
Assistant #2: What a bitch.
Assistant #1: Quit squatting by the fax machine and I won’t punch you in the head.
233 Spring Street
New York, NY
Laywer: So you were locked in a room that had a gas leak?
Client: Yeah. Man, we was trying to get out quick as we could. I mean, if we didn’t make it out when we did, we could’ve been sophisticated!
Lawyer: Asphyxiated?
Client: Whatever.
Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
CSR: Oh my god. I just spilled soup on my glasses! I was eating soup and it splashed on my face.
1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado
VP: She was mean! She said, “I guess I’ll just have to come up to New York and kill you then.”
Assistant: Was she being sarcastic?
VP: I think so.
30 E. 33rd Street
New York, NY
Disgruntled woman: Did you get my e-mail?
Boss: Yes, but you’re so consistently negative I didn’t bother to read it. Plus, your e-mails are always too long.
Disgruntled woman: What?
Boss: From now on, you’re limited to two paragraphs– No! Two sentences. And try to be positive for a change.
Chantilly, Virginia
Woman: …and the doctor was like, “I’ve never seen so much wax in one ear before!”, and I was like, “Can we just get on with this already? I’m on vacation in Hawaii!”.
1745 Broadway
New York, NY
Cube rat: Damn the metric system!
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Word.
Worker bee: I won’t spend 60 dollars on something I can’t shoot my friends with.
11145 Westheimer Road
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: me either
Client: You need to fix this design; the text is way too big.
Web designer: What is the text size in your browser set to?
Client: It’s on large so I can read it better.
1335 Columbus Avenue
San Francisco, California
Male teen: I sent her to get it, but you know you can't trust Lisa with cheap beer.
Rogers, Arizona
Overheard by: Joel
