Battleaxe: You know, pretty soon we’ll start to see refugees from New Orleans at this school…I’d rather that than the Muslims.
695 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Carl Limbacher
Co-worker #1: Man, New Orleans has sure turned into something out of Lord Of The Rings.
Co-worker #2: Don’t you mean Lord Of The Flies?
800 Hennepin Ave S
Minneapolis, Minnesota
T-shirt: Why are you wearing a suit?
Suit: I had court this morning.
T-shirt: Traffic Court? Did you pay a fine?
Suit: Yeah, Traffic Court. The fine was five hundred dollars.
T-shirt: You should have worn a different suit. That one looks like it cost about forty dollars.
Suit: I paid seven hundred dollars for this.
T-shirt: You got ripped off.
Suit: Well whoever’s been giving you that piece of shit baseball brim haircut the last year has been ripping you off.
T-shirt: I wear a toupee.
2211 N. First Street
San Jose, California
Overheard by: daimaoh
Woman #1: I hate these bloody name tags!
Woman #2: I know! The straps are so long! Everyone keeps peering down at your belly before looking up at your face!
Woman #1: I prefer the name tags you can clip on your lapel…
Woman #2: Yes, at my age I’d actually rather men stared at my tits and not at my stomach.
Old woman exiting stall: Honey, at my age you’re chuffed if they look anywhere at all!
Conference, St. Andrews Place
London
England
Admin: We’re going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I’d like to say that I’ll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I’m not going to say it.
6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio
Co-worker: Seriously y’all, if people don’t start getting my Kennedy assassination references I’m just going to have to leave Accounting.
305 South Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
Manager #1: Here’s your stupid file, because your stupid student workers didn’t stupid-finish the stupid work on the stupid contract, so I had to stupid-do it myself.
Manager #2: Heh, pretty gay, right there.
Student worker: Bill*, come on… He’s just so proud when he learns a new word.
6100 Main Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: ninjacles
Worker #1: I make less than everyone. People on unemployment make less than me.
Worker #2: Is that true?
Worker #1: No.
6727 Odessa Avenue
Van Nuys, California
Drone #1: He’s got an ass so tight, you could bounce quarters off it.
Drone #2: Who, the new pope?
680 Route 202/206
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily
At the end of Take Your Kids to Work Day…
Bruno*: Everything is askew! Where’s my weedbag? I’ve got some quarters missing. Damn thieving kids.
222 North Lasalle
Chicago, Illinois
Cube girl: Man, being on my knees down here really hurts…
Greenville, Texas
Overheard by: me next?
