Specialist: This guy’s name is September…that can’t be right.
Boss: Not in January, it isn’t.
2929 North Mayfair Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Specialist: This guy’s name is September…that can’t be right.
Boss: Not in January, it isn’t.
2929 North Mayfair Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Project Manager: So it sounds like the only thing holding us back from launching early is being ready.
Meeting: …
1900 Prairie City Road
Folsom, California
Overheard by: Sumeet
Co-worker #1: I really want to go get a cookie from the food cube, but [Anne’s] using the computer in there
Co-worker #2: Well, go get one anyway. And tell her to pull her pants
down.
127 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
Specialist: He thought it was “unfair” that we’d charge him a fee for cashing out his certificate before the maturity date.
Boss: He’s lucky he was talking to you. I’d have told him, “I had to put my cat to sleep last night; that’s unfair.”
2929 North Mayfair Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Sales: You quoted 3 different prices to this customer.
CEO: You’re not calling me an idiot, are you?
Sales: I’m saying that having been given all the facts you made 3 incompatable decisions.
CEO: That’s sufficiently blameless.
12819 Coit Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Worker #1: Oh my, I hate these elevators. You never know what you’re gonna get, kinda like those roller coasters. You know, they really have a mind of their own.
Worker #2: Yeah! And then you have these crazy doors, too, where you need to do the karate chop to make them stay open. And you do it and you say to yourself, “Oh heavens, this is one karate fight I’m not gonna win!”
1450 Broadway
New York, NY
Worker: [The boss] treats me like I’m his little daughter or something. That’s a lot of pressure. I can’t be perfect all of the time.
180 East Ocean Boulevard
Long Beach, California
Girl: So Friday’s your last day?
Guy: Yeah, I’ll be working closer to home. I have an hour long drive to get here from my house.
Girl: Good thing you’ll be working closer to home. Traffic will suck your soul.
800 South Douglas Road
Coral Gables, Florida
Co-worker #1: You should get that fan fixed. It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind it.
Co-worker #1: It’s really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don’t mind. I just pretend I’m working in my private jet at 30,000 feet. It’s noisy for a computer fan but it’s really quiet for a jet.
2137 Highway 35
Holmdel, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chuck Roast
Plumber #1: So what about Jeanette?
Plumber #2: She pisses me off, man. That bitch pisses me off so much I want to cut her into little pieces. You know what I mean?
Plumber #1: I know what you mean.
Translated from the Spanish.
145 East 35th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Spooner
