Secretary: I love this new water bottle I got. It holds all the water you need for a full day. The problem is that when I drink out of it, I look like a hamster.
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Secretary: I love this new water bottle I got. It holds all the water you need for a full day. The problem is that when I drink out of it, I look like a hamster.
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Co-worker on phone: …So if that wasn’t enough, she signs the email
“LOL”. Now you can’t tell me that wasn’t completely obnoxious…Yeah. Lots of luck…Oh. But, still…
1236 Shannon Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
IT Guy #1: Why didn’t the janitor take my empty computer boxes?
IT Guy #2: Did you put a sign on it for the guy to haul it away?
IT Guy #1: Yeah, it says “junk”.
IT Guy #2: Dude, it should say “trash”.
500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado
Marketing Manager: Do we have any more blue bins?
Summer minion: Oh my God, no! Those bins are disappearing like a fat kid on cake.
66 Wellington Street W
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Worker #1: We’re out of toilet paper.
Worker #2: The supply closet is empty.
Worker #1: I think they’re stuffing their vaginal canals with it to smuggle some home.
215 South Country Road
Bellport, New York
Account Exec: …I stopped by this morning to go over stuff from the call but you were out. Were you at [the client]’s?
VP: No, actually, to be perfectly honest, I just ate way too many grapes this morning.
555 Sparkman Drive NW
Huntsville, Alabama
Suit #1: Why didn’t you guys invite [Joe] to eat with us?
Suit #2: Well, we asked him to come but he responded with gibberish and broke out in foreign tongues.
Suit #3: Yeah, I think he’s a terrorist.
US Department of State
2121 Virginia Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bradley
Former VP: I heard you were dreaming about me.
Executive Assistant: If the person gave you the impression that it was in a positive connotation, they were gravely mistaken.
1000 Voorhees Drive
Voorhees, New Jersey
Co-worker: Noon it is. I’m driving. But I have no room for dolphins in my car. Well…I have the room, but I didn’t get the tank option.
1301 E. Algonquin Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Editor #1: I don’t know why that French reporter couldn’t find a transgendered person. It’s not like transgendered people are a rare species that you can’t find anywhere.
Editor #2: Maybe she didn’t know where to look.
Editor #1: What do you mean, “where to look”? Transgendered people are everywhere.
487 Greenwich Street
New York, NY
