IT guy: … And then I took off all my clothes and ran at them screaming. They were shooting at me but couldn’t hit me.
Tysons Corner
Virginia
IT guy: … And then I took off all my clothes and ran at them screaming. They were shooting at me but couldn’t hit me.
Tysons Corner
Virginia
Worker bee: No, he was there. My sister and I came home from school and found her on the floor covered with ketchup, and you know what? Rosanne Barr’s mother did the same thing!
25500 Hawthorne Boulevard
Torrance, California
Overheard by: Robb Banks
Elderly female customer: I do miss my husband, you know? I had to have him cremated after he fell out of bed.
London
England
Overheard by: Badger
Employee #1: They got suspended.
Employee #2: Why?
Employee #1: They were grinding during the National Anthem.
Employee #2: Oh, how do you do that?
Employee #1: Haven’t you seen the pony commercial? You can grind to anything.
201 Recreation Drive
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Repairman in elevator, to another: So, what’s wrong with having sex? People been havin’ sex for hundreds of years.
Research Drive
Durham, North Carolina
Account Exec #1: Your hair looks short today. Did you wash it this morning?
Account Exec #2: Yeah, I contemplated not washing it, but I decided I should.
Account Exec #1: Friday isn’t a hair washing day.
Account Exec #2: Well, I didn’t wash it yesterday.
Account Exec #1: [Lucy] can go a couple of days without washing her hair.
Account Exec #2: A couple of days?
Account Exec #1: Well, it’s more or less a question of whether or not her scalp is sweaty and smelly.
171 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
CSR: Stan* filled my pipeline with so much hardware it made my whole third quarter.
Hilton Head, South Carolina
Co-worker #1: What was that white box you were carrying?
Co-worker #2: Donuts. Why, you want one?
Co-worker #1: Yes!
Co-worker #3: Where were you?
Co-worker #1: What? Do you want donuts, too?
Co-worker #3: No, I want you to explain yourself for being late.
Co-worker #4: Yeah, you didn’t say anything when you called me at 7 this morning.
Co-worker #5: Yeah, she didn’t say anything to me last night at 11, either.
All stare at co-worker #5.
Co-worker #2: Just take the donuts and go away.
Co-worker #5: That’s what you said last night at 11, too!
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Ditzy office peon looking at pregnant celebrity in magazine: It looks like she's wearing one of those sha…sha-long things, ya know, that you carry a baby in.
Girl: Don't you mean “sarong”?
Male office peon: Hahaha you said “shlong”!
Central Avenue
Wood Dale, Illinois
Co-worker #1: [Anna] is really mean.
Co-worker #2: It’s because of her race.
Co-worker #1: What? Her race?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, whatever she is; they’re all like that.
171 17th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
