Co-worker #1: Isn’t it true that a tick can get into your ear and work its way into your brain?
Co-worker #2: No.
Co-worker #1: I’m worried that a tick or some kind of bug has worked its way into my brain…I’ve had an awful earache for about two weeks now.
3 Berkshire Boulevard
Bethel, Connecticut
Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he’s not Christian?
Drone: …No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: …No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Employee: Why is the bathroom locked and has a sign saying “Out of Order”? What happened?
Manager: I think something’s wrong with it.
Employee: Is anyone in there, I thought I heard someone?
Manager: You never know–but bathrooms are private so you shouldn’t knock.
623 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Admissions clerk: Can I help you?
Student: I didn’t get credit for a class I took this summer.
Admissions clerk: Did you go to class?
Student: Sometimes.
Admissions clerk: Did you pay for the class or do you have a student loan?
Student: No.
120 White Bridge Road
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Susan Fanning
The boss is at his desk playing a video game when a co-worker approaches.
Co-worker: Do you mind if I step outside for a moment to make a personal call?
Boss: Can’t it wait? We’re not paying you to do nothing.
510 South 52nd Street
Tempe, Arizona
Manager #1: So, do you have a hurricane there?
Manager #2: There is no hurricane in Atlanta at this time. It’s way over near the Yucatan.
Manager #1: Oh. So will you get any of it?
Manager #2: It’s like a thousand miles away. It’s a little too soon to tell how much it will affect us at this point.
Manager #3: I heard that Wilma is the last name they have on the list.
Manager #1: Ha, ha! What will they do if another one comes? Start over?
Manager #2: They will use Greek letters.
Manager #1: Ha, ha, ha!
Manager #2: That wasn’t a joke.
Manager #1: Oh. Ha, ha! So, the next one will be like Hurricane
“XVII” and then Hurricane “XVIII”? Ha, ha!
Manager #2: No. Those are Roman numerals.
5601 N. Lindero Canyon Road
Westlake Village, California
Co-worker: I slept like a crack baby last night.
1 California Street
San Francisco, Califrornia
Office monkey #1: Bro, this job is like motherfucking cocaine!
Office monkey #2: How’s that?
Office monkey #1: It seems fun at first but then it fucks your asshole raw.
1211 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Speaker: What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Attendee: Jumped off a bridge into a river in Fiji.
Speaker: Why’d you do that?
Attendee: ‘Cause Tony Robbins told me to.
481 8th Avenue
New York, NY
Corporate peon #1: I was nervous during the interview. More than normal for some reason. He asked too many damn questions.
Corporate peon #2: Hard questions?
Corporate peon #1: Not hard. Just required detailed answers. I don’t like the “what do you bring to the table” question.
Corporate peon #2: “I bring diligence and a positive attitude, I’m proactive and can get the job done on my own or with a group.”
Corporate peon #1: I bring sexiness.
11601 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
