General Idiocy

One Starbucks Holds a Hundred Wongs and One White

Manager: Ok, I don’t mean to sound weird, but…
Receptionist #1: Oh, this is gonna be good.
Manager: I was at Starbucks on the 4th of July, and…it was all Asians! It was an Asian invasion! They were everywhere! I was going to ask if they were having a family reunion. Then someone else walked in the door, and [my 14-year-old daughter] nudged me, and it was another Asian! I’ve told [my daughter], “Ok, you can marry a Muslim! A black! A Jew! Just don’t bring home an Asian!” They travel in packs and take pictures! And they are the worst drivers! Any time you see a bad driver swerving, weaving in and out of lanes? Asian! But, I mean, my tennis partner is Asian, so…
Receptionist #1: Becky*, you’re a racist!
Manager: I’m not a racist…just to Asians!

An Asian client walks in.

Receptionist #2: Hi, Mr. Wong*!

4020 NE 55th Street
Seattle, Washington

He Got an Oscar for Best Posthumous Cross-Dressing Performance

Woman #1: I saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend. It was really good, especially Marlon Brando.
Woman #2: Marlon Brando?
Woman #1: You know, that lady! What’s her name?
Woman #2: Meryl Streep. Marlon Brando is dead. And a man.

245 5th Avenue
New York, New York

Or Maybe Stop By and Start a Fire

Co-Worker #1: I was just over at [your new boss]’s office, and the first thing I noticed was that it’s really quiet over there!
Co-Worker #2: Oh, I know.
Co-Worker #1: No, really, you’re going to go crazy! It was almost nine o’clock, and nobody was talking! You’ll have to play yourself some music or something.
Co-Worker #2: Yeah.
Co-Worker #1: So I decided what I’ll do is call you sometimes and just yell over the phone!

Collegeville, Pennsylvania

Hey, I’ve Got Some Straw in the Corner of My Office. Want to Watch it Turn Into Worms?

Co-Worker #1: Do you have to dust your desk all the time with your window shade open?
Co-Worker #2: No, why?
Co-Worker #1: Because of all the sun.
Co-Worker #2: Huh?
Co-Worker #1: Dust comes from sunlight.

4725 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Now He Has to Be Mexican for a Year Before He Can Take It Again

Co-Worker: He was Canadian until he took the test.

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Hanna

Astonished at His Success, the Customer Went on to Broker Peace Between the Israelis and the Palestinians

Counter person: Hi, can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I’d like a dinner for twelve, please.
Counter person: Oh, I’m sorry. For orders that large you have to call catering at least twenty-four hours in advance.
Customer: Er, then how about two dinners for six?
Counter person: Oh, sure, we can do that.

Boston Market, Highway 60 and Limona Road
Brandon, Florida

Overheard by: Stefanie

Less Than 35 Cats Isn’t Pathetic At All

Co-Worker: She sounds like she has a lot of cats. Like 40. She probably lives with these forty cats and has a pathetic life. Just listen to that voice.

5th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Nicole J.

Someone Better Rife This Guy Before He Causes Any Serious Madage

Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don’t know if it’s gonna get here. I kept telling them, “Our building is on Exalander Road,” and they didn’t even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that’s what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.

Route 1 South and Alexander Road
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Emily

She Faked That One

Secretary: Put it in! Put it in! Faster, c’mon! I can’t take it, put it in! [Giggles]Worker: Ready? Here we go. [Excessive grunting]Secretary: Oh yeah, that feels great! Oh, yes.

Boss walks by. Looks in office.

Boss: What the hell is going on here?
Secretary: He just put the air conditioner in!

2000 Peel Street
Montreal, Quebec

Overheard by: Monika

The Ancient Greek Goddess of Menstruation

Library patron: Do y’all know where this book is?
Library employee: Try looking by periodicals.
Library patron: Who?

100 Decatur Street
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Jebediah

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