School director to parent considering enrolling child: Our classes are full. We have a waiting list.
Parent: [Blank look.]School director: You are Chinese?
Parent: No, Korean.
School director: But you speak Chinese.
Parent: No, Korean.
School director: Well, that’s the same thing, right?
Irving, Texas
Proud, jorts-wearing papa: Eric* is looking more like a Saskatchewan every day, with his big feet and all that hair.
Conrad Sauer Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jacob
VP: Everyone in this organization knows that we have our shit together. And I know some of you may be thinking, “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on?”, but we’ve all been there and we’re fine.
321 Commonwealth Road
Wayland, Massachusetts
Customer on phone: How come my phone doesn’t work?
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Intern: Today is not your year.
3250 Mary Street
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: my today wasn’t so bad
Manager: I can’t do that to the client! Don’t you see the cart before the horse here? It’s chicken and egg!
VP: Yeah, but if you wanna run with the wolves–
Manager: –It’s lying down with dogs and getting up with fleas!
VP: Yeah, I see your point…
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Co-Worker #1: My sister just had her baby this morning!
Co-Worker #2: How exciting! Wait, who just had a baby last month?
Co-Worker #1: My sister.
Co-Worker #2: The same one?
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
Customer: How do you guys get to New York? Like, which flights do I have to get on?
Ticket agent: (explains routes, flight numbers, arrival times, etc.)
Customer: Okay. I'd like a ticket to Chicago, please.
Edmonton International Airport
Canadia
Overheard by: Amused Agent
Loud secretary: What do you call people who are from Dutch?
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hiding in cubicle
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
