California Goes Big for Obama

Girl#1: Poop.
Girl#2: Poop? Poopie poop? Or shoot poop.
Girl#1: Oh dear, I was just telling him the poo story from last night. But def poopie poop. No. Not poopie poop. Shoot poop.
Girl#2: Poop porn procreation.
Girl#1: Though after further thought I would hope you poo a lot more between porn and procreating. Thats like nine months. You would die.
Girl#2: Yes. I would hope for poo too.
Girl#1: Now I want to do that blue and red and white obama pic thing to a pic of poop. And write hope underneath.

Nevada City, CA

Posted on January 20, 2015
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We Will Now Move on to “Bitch” as an Interjection

Sarge: Well… you could also use it literally like: “If I fucked your mother. I would be a motherfucker.”

Academy Street
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Shaye

Posted on January 19, 2015
Default, Delaware, Family, Insults, Sexuality, The Military, Weirdness, Words

Hard to Imagine He Needs Them

Female Supervisor: Did you get your balls?
Male Peon: Yes, thanks they are in the box under my desk.
Female Supervisor: Doesn't your wife keep them in a jar on the shelf?
Male Peon: No, I keep them in a tote. To make them fit, she squished all the air out of them.
Female Supervisor: Who was that woman that dropped off your balls in the office? Why did she drop your balls off at the office?
Male Peon: She was looking after them and I was supposed to meet her to pick them up.
(goes and gets balls)
Male Peon: One is pink and one is lavender. The other two are yellow.

Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Not unusual in my office

Posted on January 19, 2015
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I Always Knew There Was Latent Phallic Imagery in The Smurfs

Thuggette: I don't know what a penis is for. I don't even know how to put a condom on. All you need to know is to put it in, take it out, wash it off, and go to sleep. It's a mushroom. A long-ass stink mushroom. Shit.

Washington, DC

Posted on January 17, 2015
Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Washington DC

PTSD Is Quite Common in the Postal Service

Woman yelling to husband over cell phone, with look of horror in her eyes: *Bob? Bob?!? Bob, are you crying? Are you crying, bob?!? Yes, I need stamps. 100 of them.

University Place
Stamford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Studs

Posted on January 17, 2015
Connecticut, Customers, Default, Family, Feelings, On the phone, Questions, Service, Weirdness

Would You Like Some Ethnic Slurs With That?

Angry suit on cell: Get me the money or I take your ass to court. I’ll take your ass to court.
Barista: Ummm… sir? Can I get you something to drink?
Angry suit on cell: Yes, I’d like a triple mocha. [To cell.] I mean it. I’ll sue your ass, you greedy, lying Italian bastard.
Barista: Sir, would you like whipped cream on your mocha?
Angry suit on cell: Like hell you’ll get me the money by June. You were supposed to give it to me back in September. [To barista.] Extra whipped cream, thanks.

W Washington St
Ann Arbor, Michigan