Security guard to another: Who cares if a girl gets raped there…they have an aquarium!
Columbus, Ohio
Coworker #1: Hey, listen to this: “2.3 million Americans are currently incarcerated.” That's about 1% of the population!
Coworker #2: What's that mean?
Coworker #1: In prison.
Coworker #1: Oh, I was thinking castrated…and I thought they only did that to animals.
Muscatine, Iowa
Coworker: I mean, don't you ever feel like killing someone and wearing their head like a hat?
Las Vegas, Nevada
Editor #1: He's the son of the cake lady, right?
Editor #2: Yeah.
Editor #1: That lady died, right?
Editor #2: Yeah.
Editor #1: I wonder if he had something to do with it.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Confused reporter
Female coworker: Freeze gopher! Let's get a move on…
Male coworker: Pardon?
Female coworker: You're walking extremely slowly, and I'm stuck walking behind you. If I had a gun I'd have shot you by now.
Calgary
Canadia
Worker #1: But isn’t the ceiling a fire hazard?
Worker #2: Only if there’s a fire.
133 Falmouth Road
Mashpee, Massachusetts
Cubicle dweller with too much free time: Do you think that at the paperclip company staples are outlawed?
Sarasota, Florida
Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you threaten anyone with the gun?
Defendant: I don’t remember.
Courthouse
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: not a juror
Mom: If she gets convicted, I'm taking you to T.G.I. Friday's.
Son: Can we go even if she doesn't? Because it will feel like a victory either way, then.
Courthouse
Mentor, Ohio
Overheard by: Bird is the word
Employee #1: So the guy in jail I was telling you about, he’s dead! [Laughs]Employee #2: Ooh, that’s great for you then, right?
Employee #1: No, it was the wrong guy. There were two guys sitting in jail, and one of them died, but it was the wrong one.
Employee #2: So you owe your friend money?
Employee #1: Well not until the other guy dies. [pause] This is pretty morbid isn’t it?
Sparks Street
Ottawa, Canadia
Overheard by: a poor little intern
