I Already Have Dibs on His Stapler

Peon to boss looking for the bigger boss: He is not there. He is murdering Mike*.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: has a will

Posted on October 18, 2018
Anger management, Bosses and Underlings, Crimes, Death, New York, Violence

Then It's a Great Analogy

Financial analyst: This might be a bad analogy, but it's like this: if there's a guy up on the roof of a house and he's throwing babies off, and you just barely catch the first couple of babies, it might mean that's not a very good strategy and what you really need to do is get someone to go up on the roof and get the guy down.
Coworker: You ever notice how whenever you start a sentence that way, a hush falls over the area?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: MPW

Posted on October 2, 2018
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Crimes, Financial Folk, New York, Violence

Our Healthcare System, in a Nutshell.

Tech #1: Is that illegal?
Tech #2: No, but it's unethical.
Tech #1: Okay, then let's do it.

Butler, Pennsylvania

Posted on August 9, 2018
Crimes, Pennsylvania, Questions, Tech People, Weirdness

Translation: He Was Black in a White Neighborhood

News reporter #1: Why was he arrested?
News reporter #2: I guess he was suspicious-looking.
News reporter #1: Was he just going around arbitrarily replacing windshields?

Southern Maryland

Overheard by: Cubicle neighbor

Posted on July 2, 2018
Coworkers, Crimes, Default, Maryland, Physical Appearance, Questions

Isn't That a Garth Brooks Song?

Major gifts officer to communications officer: I used to have a seersucker suit, Jane. Until someone stole it from my jeep wrangler!

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 16, 2018
Admins, Clothes, Crimes, Illinois, Weirdness

When Serial Killers Dream

Woman: Hopefully I'll have a few carcasses when I get home.

Norwich
England

Overheard by: Nat

Posted on March 3, 2018
Crimes, Death, Employees, England, Wishes

This Would've Been a Good Seinfeld Episode

Cubicle guy: Man, you wanna hear something funny? My dry cleaner got shot today. What am I gonna do? I got dry cleaning to pick up!
Cubicle gal: What? Oh my god! That's horrible!
Cubicle guy: I know. But what am I gonna do about my dry cleaning? I can't just go over there and say like, “hey, sorry he got shot, but can I get my dry cleaning?”
Cubicle gal: Yeah–that wouldn't be good. Maybe you could wait a couple of days and then go pick it up. Besides, if you go today you might become a suspect.
Cubicle guy: Yeah, that's what I'll do… Good thing it's not a suit I need for the weekend.

Manhattan, New York