Girl employee #1: Yeah, so I went to visit my boyfriend in jail last night and they had to drug test me to make sure I wasn't smuggling anything for him or whatever, and so they swabbed my arms, and it came back positive for heroin!
Girl employee #2: Oh, weird!
Girl employee #1: I know! I don't even know what heroin looks like!
Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: very concerned
Coworker, over cubicle wall: That's where I got licked by a marmot.
Provo, Utah
Pregnant employee at coworker's baby shower: Oh, an anti-roll pillow! Thank you!
Male employee: What's it for?
Pregnant employee: To keep the baby from rolling onto his stomach and possibly suffocating in the crib.
Chatty woman: My two babies died from sleeping on their stomachs.
(stunned silence)
Chatty woman: Just kidding! (laughs)
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: office monkey extraordinaire
Coworker #1: I don't get paying money to play WoW. You're essentially paying for the satisfaction of clicking a button.
Coworker #2: Exactly, that's why I use that money for porn.
Coworker #1: True, at least when you're done with porn you have something to show for it.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Rick
Coworker #1: What are you talking about?
Coworker #2: I'm telling them how my parents almost aborted me.
Coworker #3, walking in: What are you guys talking about?
Coworker #2: It's a survival story!
Branchburg, New Jersey
Female coworker: So how's your wife?
Male coworker: Not good, actually.
Female coworker: Why, what's up?
Male coworker: Well, she's having pains…in her… Ummmm…baby area. Ummm…you know.
Brooklyn Center, Minnesota
Overheard by: adelhiede
Blonde coworker: Oh, I just thought of something sad! Now no-one is going to get the beaver!
Spearfish, South Dakota
Overheard by: deeegeee
Work study employee: So then this guy looks at me, and starts talking about tantra and leering at me, right?
Coworker: What in the hell is tantra?
Work study employee: (explains briefly)
Coworker: God, so it's not even kinky, it's just damn boring. Who the hell wants to connect on a deeper level? Shit.
Eastern Washington University
Cheney, Washington
Black lady: You're not as crude as the rest of us.
Hick man: I can be crude if I want to.
Black lady: Naw, the rest of us…we're crude without no reason!
Hornbake Library
University of Maryland
Guy peeing at urinal, looking over at another: So…what did ya call this meeting for?
Other guy peeing: Uhhhh…what?
Nashua, New Hampshire
