Coworker #1: (moans uncomfortably)
Coworker #2: What's wrong with you?
Coworker #1: I ate too much…at lunch, my hamburger was so big I had to close my eyes just to fit it in my mouth.
Toronto
Canadia
Coworker #1: (moans uncomfortably)
Coworker #2: What's wrong with you?
Coworker #1: I ate too much…at lunch, my hamburger was so big I had to close my eyes just to fit it in my mouth.
Toronto
Canadia
Office guy: I brought bars.
Office gal: Special K?
Office guy: No, they're not Special K because they don't have Special K in them. They have Rice Krispies. They are way better then Special K bars. Cause Special K is corn, and these are rice.
Office gal: I thought you would bring shrimp.
Office guy: Yeah, I said that.
Office gal: Yeah.
Office guy: And then I got the look of the death from Kay. So I brought these instead.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: What kind of pot luck is this?
Coworker, on voicemail: It started yesterday before I left work, but it just got worse and I spent all night on the toilet. Well, on and off the toilet, it was coming out of both ends if you know what I mean. Anyway, I'll spare you the gory details. Suffice it to say I'm going to be working from home today. I need to lie back and relieve some of this pressure in my abdomen.
Denver, Colorado
Boss to peon eating lunch: So my daughter finally pooped today. It's been at least a few days.
Peon #1, trying to ignore him: Wow. Cool.
Boss: Yeah, it wasn't anything huge like the one a few days ago, but at least she's pooping.
Peon #2: That's great to hear. My poor daughter has been at home with explosive diarrhea all week.
Peon #1: (tosses barely eaten lunch in the garbage and wordlessly walks away)
Sacramento, California
Female paralegal: Did you read that article I sent you?
Aussie male coworker: That ain't right.
Female paralegal: Indeed. But 45 minutes! That's longer than most men last.
Aussie male coworker, in long-winded explanation: Well, 45 minutes would be a while for coitus. But remember that the seal wasn't actually getting any. 45 minutes is kinda short if you include foreplay…
Female paralegal: Tsk, tsk…give the seal some credit.
Aussie male coworker: Fine. He has moderate sexual stamina.
Senior paralegal: What?!
Chicago, Illinois
Clerk lady #1: Oh, thank you for bringing that up, you reminded me I have to go get my license renewed on my way home today.
Clerk lady #2: You can't just mail it in?
Clerk lady #1: Well I have to actually go in because I have to take an eye test because it's been ten years.
Clerk lady #3: Oh…you sure it's not because you're over 50?
Clerk lady #1: Fuck you.
Yaphank, New York
Overheard by: Junior
Crazy coworker: If my kid pooped in the closet, I'd rub his nose in it. “No! Bad!”
Sane female coworker: Your kids are going to be taken away by the state.
Sane male coworker: There's not even a question.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Playtah
Minion #1: Do you smell that? It smells like the wicker section of Zellers around here.
Minion #2: Ah, you're right. It does smell like wicker. What is that? Who smells like wicker?
Minion #1: I love playing the “what's that smell?” game in the hallway at work.
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: I Don't Stink
Reporter: Do you guys know anything about Beauty and the Beast?
Ad guy: The movie or the people?
Oak Brook, Illinois
Legal drone #1: Where's the nearest scanner?
Legal drone #2: In my pants.
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Bitter Paralegal
