Newbie: It's been a long day. A long week, actually.
Senior: It's been a long eight years for me.
Newbie: Wow. How are you still alive?
Senior: I don't know. I'm a soul survivor.
Newbie: Like that Rolling Stones song? Did they write that after you?
Senior: Yep. I'm the only one who can survive in this place.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Office girl #1: She couldn’t find my cervix. My cervix!
Office girl #2: You do know everyone can hear you, right?
Office girl #1: No, no, wait — she found it, she just couldn’t see it!
43rd Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Co-worker #1: I finally found that fax you were looking for.
Co-worker #2: Great where was it?
Co-worker #1: On this 3×4 pink message pad. It was a phone message you freak.
30 Riverview Park
Red Deer, Alberta
Canadia
Worker bee #1: I’ve never had a Hungry Man meal before.
Worker bee #2: It’s not bad. Just don’t pretend you’re eating real food.
Austin, Texas
Co-worker #1: Where is the copy paper?
Co-worker #2: Office Depot.
5201 Ravenswood Road
Dania Beach, Florida
Worker #1: When do you leave for the trip?
Worker #2: In about 20 minutes.
Worker #1: Well, are you jizzed?
Worker #2: What?
Worker #1: Jizzed. You know, excited!
Worker #2: Uh, sure.
Red Run Boulevard
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: Matt
Beastly employee: That reminds me of when I was skinny. I was smoking. With my thigh-high boots.
Pretty employee: Mmmm… cool.
Beastly employee: I won’t ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pretty employee, unhappily: Ummmm… ok.
Passerby employee to pretty employee, sympathetically: The boots went up to her camel toe… I’m sorry.
Hawthorne, New York
Overheard by: I have my own office
Coworker on phone: The baby was born retarded because her mother was a vegetarian. Thankfully the good Lord took her away.
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Office lady #1: And I was like “Hmmmmmmmm… Ya, not sure how Karen* feels about the whole not-being-friends thing. No offense, but we don't ever talk about you.”
Office lady #2: She missed me putting up with her shit?
Office lady #1: And I don't talk to her about you.
Office lady #2: Do it! I don't care! You can tell her that I think she is so full of shit she should be an overflowing outhouse.
Office lady #1, laughing: You know me, I would never do that!
Office lady #2: The only difference between her and the overflowing outhouse is that I'd shit on her.
Calgary
Canadia
White grunt #1: I’m going to the deli. You guys want anything?
Black grunt: I’ll wait till lunch.
White grunt #2: Can you spot me a cup of coffee? This time with cream and sugar?
White grunt #1: I thought you were a black man.
White grunt #2: I am a black man.
Black grunt: Shit.
New York, New York
