Oompa-Loompas Kept Hitting on Me

Female coworker: I used to spray tan, but they make you orange and then you smell like Chinese food.
Male coworker: Good Chinese food or bad Chinese food?
Female coworker: Not the good kind. And then it gets all dark in the creases, and you get jaundiced knees…
Male coworker: Just what every man wants…the munchies and a sickly white woman.
Female coworker: I wanted to look Italian.
Male coworker: But instead you wound up with jaundice, smelling like Chinese food.

Plaza VII
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Hungry now

Posted on February 8, 2015
Body Parts, Colors, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, Minnesota, Physical Appearance

I Use It to Drive Nelson Mandela Around

Hungarian coworker with heavy accent on phone with auto repair shop: I drive a 2007 black Foreigner. (pause) Yes, Foreigner, Foreigner -like the Toyota.

Broomfield, Colorado

Posted on February 7, 2015
Colorado, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Words

Talking to You Is Better Than Smoking Weed!

Female coworker #1: If he is 5’6″ and I am 5’7″ then without heels we would be the same height.
Female coworker #2: Are you 5’7″ with heels?
Female coworker #1: No.

Framingham, Massachusetts

Posted on February 6, 2015
Clothes, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Massachusetts, Physical Appearance, Questions

Can't Wait 'til the Official Language Of the U.S. Becomes Southern

Secretary on phone: How am I? I'm finer than a frog's hair split four ways.
(pause) I *said* I'm… finer… than… a… frog's… hair… split… four… ways.
(pause) It means I'm miserable!

Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia

Posted on February 6, 2015
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Employees, Feelings, Questions, Virginia, Words

Mr. Gibson’s Attorneys Were Quick to File Suit

Secretary: I thought he was retarded, then I realized he was just very, very Australian.

Montgomery County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania

Posted on February 5, 2015
Compare and contrast, Default, Geography & History, Health & Hygiene, Insults, Legal, Pennsylvania

But Dad Didn't Raise No Quitters

IT worker: I am the worst drunk driver ever.

Richmond, Virginia

Posted on February 4, 2015
Compare and contrast, Drinking, Tech People, Virginia

Translation: I Have a Life

IT gal: Well, unlike Bob, I'm not that dedicated. I don't look at this stuff on nights and weekends.

Kansas City, Missouri

Posted on February 4, 2015
Compare and contrast, Missouri, Tech People, Weirdness

Not from One Of Those Little Packages, Though.

Art teacher, looking at another eating Pringles: Pringles are the perfect chip, based on the texture, shape, and lines. They fit perfectly in your mouth.
History teacher: I don't know. If you asked me, I'd just prefer a Lay.

Teacher's Lounge
Marvell, Arkansas

Overheard by: They Let Me Teach Children

Posted on January 31, 2015
Arkansas, Compare and contrast, Meals and Snacks, Sexuality, Teachers

A Cautionary Tale About Getting Stoned at Work

Coworker #1: I feel as though I had a one night stand with this muffin. I only took one bite.
Coworker #2: It's not your fault that it's not the type of person you call back.
Coworker #1: This muffin's a skank.
Coworker #2: I want to marry this bagel.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on January 30, 2015
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Feelings, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Weirdness, Wishes

How Does That Distinguish It from Any Other Month in Pittsburgh?

Manager: This month's data looks solid, but can we use November's data?
Office guy: Well, November was like the transition, it's not crap like it was before but it's not as good as this new stuff…
Manager: So, November is like solidifying crap?
Office guy: Uh…sure?

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Posted on January 30, 2015
Bosses, Compare and contrast, Employees, Pennsylvania, Questions, Time Management

Compare and contrast