And I Wrote for SNL During Those Crappy Years

Coworker #1: Hey, can you download this script for me: ‘I’m in Hell.’
Coworker #2: Oh my god, what happened? You were fine just a second ago! What’s that script you want called?
Coworker #1: ‘I’m in Hell,’ and I’m fine.
Coworker #2: That’s weird, having a script called ‘I’m fine’ when you’re in Hell.
Coworker #1: No, not ‘I’m fine’ — ‘I’m in Hell.’
Coworker #2: Seriously? What’s going on?!
Coworker #1: The script is ‘I’m in Hell.’ And I’m fine.
Coworker #2: Wait, what?
Coworker #1: [Sighs.]Boss: This is lamest edition of ‘Who’s on first?’ I’ve ever heard.

Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: Office Ears

Posted on June 3, 2021
Canadia, Coworkers, General Idiocy

…While Restarting Their Computers

Tech support girl: So, what should I tell them? They say their internet is slow.
Tech support supervisor: Tell them to suck my big brown dick.

Ontario
Canadia

Posted on May 25, 2021
Body Parts, Canadia, Insults, Internet, Questions, Sexuality, Tech People, Technology

It’s the Enemy of Eye-Hand Coordination

Designer: Hey, I’m photoshopping — no spanking!

West 5th Avenue
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: designgrl

Posted on May 16, 2021
Canadia, Consultants, Possible Sexual Harassment

1PM Defining Expectations

Office manager: The first rule of thumb is that two geotechnical engineers will always give you two different answers. The second rule of thumb is that I’m always right.
Interns: Hahahahahahahahah

Pause

Office manager: I’m being serious.

1066 West Hastings
Vancouver, Canadia

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on May 2, 2021
Bosses and Underlings, Canadia, Science and engineering

Um, Unless That’s You, Lord

Automated computer voice on elevator: Second floor. Going down.
Old man: Uh, up yours.

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: Up it to what?

Posted on April 29, 2021
Canadia, Comebacks, Default, Insults, Strangers, Technology

Have You Tried Really Pressing Down?

Tech guy: And then you hit CTRL+P to finish processing the claim.
Coworker: But it's not letting me CTRL+P. Why can't I control my p?

Victoria
Canadia

Posted on April 16, 2021
Canadia, Coworkers, Questions, Restroom, Tech People, Technology, Words

11AM EOY Staff Meeting

Manager: We’re all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we’re all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they’ll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We’re sharks!
Employee: So basically what you’re saying is that if we stop moving, you’ll kill us all?

208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia